Property:Letterofmotivation
From Tsadra Foundation Advanced Contemplative Scholarships
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M
When I was an angsty thirteen year old, my parents sent me to spend the summer with my God-fearing Grandmother in North Carolina, who promptly signed me up for Bible Study Camp at her local church. While I was begrudgingly walking the few sweaty blocks from her house to the church that very first day, I noticed a book sitting lonely on a bus stop bench. Without thinking, I grabbed it and stuffed it in my bag.
During the lunch break, I wandered off alone and sat underneath a big tree and began to read. It was a book about the Buddha's life story, from birth to death. I became instantly enthralled by his life and remember relating deeply to how the young Prince felt when he looked outside his privileged castle walls. I had experienced a similar feeling, not finding any of the adults around me to be very happy. I vowed then and there to follow in the Buddha's footsteps and pursue enlightenment.
Much to my Grandmother's dismay, it was not Jesus, but Siddhartha Gautama who I came insistently asking her about. When she had nothing to offer me as far as wisdom goes, I turned to the internet to look up anything I could find about the Buddha. Even as a child, the wish to awaken was inside of my heart, blooming.
When I first met my precious teacher Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche, he said to me, "Oh it's you, I know you!" Even though it was the very first time we had met, I felt the exact same way. I burst into tears, and we embraced like old friends. It felt like coming home. I could finally relax. I have been following his instructions and serving his immense activity ever since, and it is my sincere wish to offer my practice to my Teacher and to all beings. Pursuing this retreat is the only way I will possibly feel content in this life and it is my wish to not waste a single moment more of it and to practice with a genuine heart full of love and care.
I am not academic at all, I have no degrees or decoration, I'm not very smart, I do not know any Tibetan and I haven't formally practiced in retreat very much, but I think my application should be considered because of the sincere devotion I have to the dharma, my genuine faith in my Teacher and the correct motivation that drives me to truly want to spend my life practicing and serving. I cannot imagine doing anything else. I want to take part in this retreat so that I can become more kind, calm and clear (like Rinpoche says) and so that I may cut the root that causes harm, and be actually beneficial to the world and everyone I come into contact with.
Thank you so much for considering my application, I am incredibly grateful that this grant exists for people like me who need financial support in order to be able to practice. It would truly be an honor to receive it.
My lama Tharchin Rinpoche has proposed advanced Ati teaching that will require about 3 and a half months retreat. I am very concerned that if I do not do this retreat in 2013, I may lose the opportunity, since my teacher's health is on borrowed time.
I decided to also include an equal length of time for a Mahayoga retreat of Dudjom Rinpoche's Dorje Drolod (since I have never done an extensive retreat with this practice and am very drawn to it), as well as concentrating on the Clear Light practice of his Khandro Thuktik Anu yoga.
As it was with drubdra, my intentions are primarily to deepen my own practice and understanding in order to be of service. I have been very active in teaching poetry as trained by Allen Ginsberg (see http://www.marcolmsted.com for more on this), so a continuation of mixing poetry instruction with basic meditation instruction (shamatha) is something that furthering my own practice can only enhance. Because there is still a lot of interest in the Beats, and my own poetry is PostBeat, the possibility of reaching those intrigued by the American Buddhism that Kerouac, Ginsberg, di Prima, Philip Whalen and Anne Waldman have helped take root (and/or the interest in these personalities themselves) seems to be my calling to make available by explication and example. +
My lama Tharchin Rinpoche has proposed advanced Ati teaching that will require about 3 and a half months retreat. I am very concerned that if I do not do this retreat in 2013, I may lose the opportunity, since my teacher's health is on borrowed time.
I decided to also include an equal length of time for a Mahayoga retreat of Dudjom Rinpoche's Dorje Drolod (since I have never done an extensive retreat with this practice and am very drawn to it), as well as concentrating on the Clear Light practice of his Khandro Thuktik Anu yoga.
As it was with drubdra, my intentions are primarily to deepen my own practice and understanding in order to be of service. I have been very active in teaching poetry as trained by Allen Ginsberg (see http://www.marcolmsted.com for more on this), so a continuation of mixing poetry instruction with basic meditation instruction (shamatha) is something that furthering my own practice can only enhance. Because there is still a lot of interest in the Beats, and my own poetry is PostBeat, the possibility of reaching those intrigued by the American Buddhism that Kerouac, Ginsberg, di Prima, Philip Whalen and Anne Waldman have helped take root (and/or the interest in these personalities themselves) seems to be my calling to make available by explication and example. +
2015 retreat to be scheduled around Dakini:
3 months Saraswati retreat
Approx. 3 months Throma ngondro and Khandro Thuktik trulkhor
6 months Throma Ati practice
As it was with drubdra, my intentions are primarily to deepen my own practice and understanding in order to be of
service. I have been very active in teaching poetry as trained by Allen Ginsberg (see http://www.marcolmsted.com for
more on this), so a continuation of mixing poetry instruction with basic meditation instruction (shamatha) is something
that furthering my own practice can only enhance. Because there is still a lot of interest in the Beats, and my own
poetry is PostBeat, the possibility of reaching those intrigued by the American Buddhism that Kerouac, Ginsberg, di
Prima, Philip Whalen and Anne Waldman have helped take root (and/or the interest in these personalities themselves)
seems to be my calling to make available by explication and example. +
A bit more than a year ago I came out of the traditional 3 years retreat. As you know, a 3 years group retreat can be very busy: a lot of things going on with the other retreatans, and a lot of practices one after the other, without enough time (at least for those of dull capacity) to fully taste it. And this has its purpose, the companions of the reatreat are the ones who show you your faults and the ones who bring the opportunity to develop true kindness; and 3 years is a short time, and its truly amazing to have the opportunity to taste all those different practices, to then chose based on one’s experience what suits one best. But of course, one goes out knowing that the practice needs to be further and further cultivated and with the tools for doing so in solitude, like the lamas who we admire, and whose songs we delight in.
For me, I had my heart set for the traditional 3 years retreat for a long time, and is the best thing I could have done, but once out there was a bit the feeling of being adrift, not in a bad way, just unsure of what direction life will take me, but at the same time knowing that the time to “chose” had not come, that I just needed to be relaxed.
Anyway after a bit of period with the family and serving the monastery I got a chance to seclude into the mountains. It was a relaxed retreat, no schedules but continuous practice, it was a bit of rehab from 3 years retreat, at the beginning it felt like all my retreat companions where in my head, until slowly curing little wounds and letting go. So there I got a bit of taste of the difficulties and advantages of solitary retreat. But the thing was that I could see that my mind wasn’t really ready for it, in the sense that there was worrying about my family; craving for the world, that there were many things that I had missed out and had to go through. So that is what my mind took me to: got a boyfriend, then had to be with the family, experienced more directly the disadvantages of distraction, worldly affairs and the sting of relationships, and also experienced how hard was to sustain the practice at the inner level and that I couldn’t be of much benefit to others.
So now, without that craving and wanting to fully tame my own mind, to dispel delusions and misconceptions and to gain stability in my own nature, and hoping that others will benefit continuously once my mind has merged with the teachings, I aspire to follow the footsteps of the wise, to emulate at least to a tiny scale their life of freedom. To walk the path of dharma, and let the path itself be the joy.
The problem is that those who have the determination to practice usually don’t have the money for sustenance: those who have the money usually don’t have the time or determination, so the magic happens when the skilful meditator meditating on the wilderness and the skillful benefactor providing the wherewithal come together. Maybe is my excuse for not having earned and saved the money, but those conditions didn’t come up, while the Dharma strive was stirring up, which let to meet with a great retreat environment where the only thing is lacking is the money for provisions and offerings, but since the Dharma carries great blessings I am sure that will come along, and if it could be through Tsadra’s generosity it would be wonderful. Thank you for consideration.
From the very start my Dharma connection has been with both the Shangpa lineage and the Karma Kamstang lineage. Even while aspiring and preparing for the Shangpa three years retreat, there was the aspiration to be able, some time in the future, to do the Karma Kamtsang three years retreat. Aspiration which I guess it grew stronger when listening how at the beginning the lamas of Sonada practiced both the yogas of Naropa and Niguma, and also practiced Bernakchen and recited the Rain of Wisdom at their retreat. So, even though we did so much while in retreat, more than what I was able to integrate, there was still the wish to receive and be able to practice the lineage of the Lord Naropa and the Karmapas.
But after group retreat, I felt I needed some solitude, after solitude, I felt I needed a break. But during this “break” which although it has been quite wonderful, full with blessings, Dharma, new connections, etc.; I have also been feeling how the practice deteriorates, attachment for this life becomes recurrent, bodhichitta stops being spontaneous, concentration at times is non existent, dissatisfaction begins to grow due to looking or wanting for happiness in a place where is none and sometimes is like rather go into numbness (like watch a movie or something like that) than making the little effort to recognize the present instant of awareness. So this summer, after studying very hard, I took a break from Mallorca. I started with a Vipassana form Goenka, which already felt like coming back home, a resetting of priorities and nourishment for my awareness. Then, after a lovely family gathering, I came to Poland, with two purposes: to do a translation retreat and second to make a connection with the center in the hope of at some time in the future be able to the the Kamtsang three years retreat here. Getting here was again a bit like coming home, a spontaneous coming back to all that which has been cultivated due to being in a practice place.
I feel truly amazed of how this retreat aspiration has blossom so quickly. Here, I met a former retreatant of KTD, when telling him of my aspiration to do the Kamtsang retreat, he told me that their retreat was starting next year in Autumn and I could do it there. I immediately go little “fireworks” in my chest, telling me that it felt like the right thing, I sent them an email that very day, and in less than two weeks I got the recommendation letter from my lama, the interview with them and now I am filling your scholarship application, even two days before the deadline! I certainly lack the fonds for retreat, and I don’t see how I could come up with that money in a year, so if your budget allows, I ask you to hold me your compassion once more. I will certainly give it all in this retreat and I have the strong aspiration that my practice develops strong and firm enough so that I may come out ready to serve others in whichever way is appropriate.
To the Tsadra Foundation,
I am writing you to express my sincere aspiration to join the traditional Three-Year Retreat at Karme Ling which was established by the late Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche under the request of 16th Karmapa, Rangjung Rigpe Dorje, where my Lama, Lama Karma Tartchin has done his Three-Year Retreat, and to kindly request financial support from Tsadra Foundation to help make this aspiration possible.
I first found meaning in the Dharma when I was about 13 years old and was lucky enough to meet Lama Karma Tartchin personally. During that time of deep questioning and sadness I was struggling to understand the inequality of life, why some work so hard and suffer while others, like me at the time, live comfortably without much effort. Lama Tartchin said me, “Instead of being upset about that, why don’t you do something truly meaningful with your life to help others?”. That one sentence opened my heart and a deep connection and trust in Lama Tartchin arose as well as some interest in the Buddha Dharma. Now I’m 27 years old, and it’s been over a decade since I took refuge with Lama Karma Tartchin. Since then, I’ve done my best to help his Dharma Center (Karme Thegsum Tcholing), study and practice the Buddha Dharma. I have helped for many years as a cook during the retreats, maintainer of the retreat place, manager in the Dharma Center, performing as Chopon for the Pujas, as well as joined many group retreats and have done a few solitary retreats as well, as mentioned in the application. All of this has been part of my sincere commitment to integrate my life in the Dharma.
At this point in my life, I truly feel that entering the Three-Year Retreat is the most meaningful thing I can do. I know it will benefit me, both in the short and long term, and will also benefit my family, friends and even people and sentient beings that I don’t know. Besides that, I also hope that when I conclude the retreat, I’ll have gained a good and strong Dharma practice and knowledge so I will be able to contribute to the establishment of the Karma Kagyu Lineage through supporting Lama Tartchin’s activities in Brazil, directly to Portuguese speakers. In addition, I genuinely aspire to deepen my practice in the Three Years Retreat also because I know in my heart that it would make my precious Lama Tartchin pleased. As for the past 20 years he has worked lonely and tirelessly as the only Brazilian Karma Kagyu Lama to sustain Karmapa’s activities in Brazil, I am certain that seeing his efforts flourish in the form of students who practice the Dharma diligently, gain genuine wisdom, and become able to carry on his work and effort is a true source of joy for him
It feels important to share that I’ve already quit my job and from October 2024 to June 2025 I led two Buddhist Pilgrimages to India and Nepal with Lama Tartchin and stayed in both countries to receive teachings and do retreats in sacred places. So, at the moment I don’t have any major obligations with work or family.
I deeply appreciate your time and consideration. If accepted and supported, I will dedicate myself wholeheartedly to the Retreat, with the aspiration that this experience may serve not only my own path but also benefit others through future service to the Dharma.
With gratitude and respect,
Maria Pema Karmo
My main motivation to do and continue doing retreat is to fulfil my Teachers wishes and aspirations, for myself and other sentient beings. They have advised me to be here, so I wish and pray to remain here, as my heartfelt aspiration is to fulfil all their wishes. To be able to recognize the nature of mind, the nature of all phenomena, the truth, things as they are and be able to just be aware for the sake of every single sentient being.Awareness is the sun that nurtures and gives sense to everything by allowing us to see things as they truly are. By not being aware of how things truly are and believing in the existenceof non-truly existentphenomena,we live a spinning endless dualisticself-centered dream with all its karmic consequences. I recognize Tibetan Buddhism to be a pathless path to be able to simply recognize and see this truth, and by doing so to be able to live more fully the freshness of the moment and act more freely and spontaneously withour surroundings and whatever happens. I wish and pray that every single sentient being would just simply recognize their own intrinsic nature, their so-called ‘Buddha nature’. Traditionally, I wish for them to achieve so-called enlightenment, the recognition of their own nature, their natural state of being, so that we can all be free of the non-existing chains of delusion and suffering. +
What would be the motivation for someone to go into a 3 year retreat?, i can't but think, that the main reason must be renunciation, utterly deep need of learning and practice Dharma to later be able to achieve enlightenment, all these of course for the benefit of all sentient beings..but why leave your family and friends when you proud yourself saying is for their own benefit?, this same question came to my mind the first months after becoming a nun when a teacher in a class said, we are nuns now we have abandoned our family and friends in order to follow the dharma, and the only thing I could think of is that it would be very unkind to abandon and forget people that stood by my side for years and that is not what i would want to do at all! Then of course.. Why the prince left the palace? ( written by Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche ) not because of unkindness but for the contrary, we need a great compassion to sacrifice our time with them in order to prepare ourselves and be able to lead them afterwards, it would be nice if they'd come with us but is not always possible and like in my case i am preparing myself to go back and take them with me in the right path, not because of unkindness, but because i owed them this, for all the things they gave me, for all the support they gave me i owed them to learn how to follow the right path and then of course afterwards all sentient beings to the smallest one.
There's also the slow way of course, but i didn't have the fortune to meet the Dharma at young age, so i can't afford to do the long 12 years studies and Courses then think of practicing, i must start practicing right away, at least i am glad that i have a strong renunciation and the urgency to learn Dharma, not only for me but my parents in this lifetime are getting old and i might not have time to repay their kindness towards me, that gives me such and urgency to practice, as the dharma books says, you should practice like a beautiful women whose hair is on fire, (not that my could!). I must practice now, then go back home and repay the kindness of my parents.
I think the 3 year retreat will give me the basics I need to start a strong practice afterwards back in Bolivia where I am originally from, and also the strength to practice alone, I need to be able to survive a country where there is almost no Buddhism at all, I have confidence that the 3 years retreat will give me confidence, the basis and the strength to go solo afterwards.
I will also be able to fulfill a promise to my mother when I become a nun, I promise her I will get enlighten and come back to take her with me, where ever she is, where ever she goes I will come back for her first, then all sentient beings.
I have known since I started my studies in Buddhism that dharma is something that definitely want to be part of my life. Even though I do my practice everyday and try to be diligent with it, I have seen that during retreat time, the progress is so much faster, plus doing it in group its very powerful.
It is my guru´s wish that we practice as much as we can during this life and even though I have so much attachment for my family and friends, I simply know that this path is worth it.
My sangha in Mexico is very young and my teacher has a vision of making the dharma grow. I want to help my sangha to flourish as an example and inspiration. I want to prove to myself that even though we are not asians or tibetans we can be serious practitioners and that nothing gets in our way if we really want to practice.
I feel scared but excited at the same time. I made the wish to my guru few years ago that I wanted to do a 3 year retreat at some point of my life, he told me to keep it in my heart and a year later he announced that he was going to organize his first 3 year retreat for westerners and I want to be part of it.
I am in a point of my life where I have no commitments, no debts, no babies. I feel that situation can change very fast and once it changes the chances for me to do this retreat can be less. I feel this is the right moment for me to do it. Because if I wait longer I might not be able to do it in the future. I struggle inside of me with the wish of having a baby but I know this is not the right moment for it. I want my practice to be more stable first, because only that way I could really help others, I could really help my family, friends, sangha and my teacher.
I want to do this retreat so I can be more skilfull in helping others. I dont want to feel regrets of not practicing enough when I die, I want to feel that my life was meaningful and I didnt waste it.
I dont want money to be an obstacle for this, but unfotunately I lack of merit to have financial abundance in my life and without your help it will be almost impossible for me to get all the money that I need, because neither me or my family have that amount.
Since 2021, I've been guided by Chökyi Nyima Rinpoche and Lama Tenzin in the Tara's Triple Excellence Program, based on a terma from Chokling lineage. Their clarity, wisdom and loving way of teaching have left a deep impression on me. In 2024, I finally met Rinpoche in person at Gomde Pyrénées and regarded him as my root guru. Following his instructions, I attended the 3-month Sphere of Refined Gold retreat at Gomde Pyrénées this year, and was truly amazed by Lama Tenzin as retreat master. For me, trying to fulfill Rinpoche's aspiration that his students undertake the 3-year retreat is not a tough commitment, but a willing and joyful offering. I don't have many opportunities to meet Rinpoche, since I live in Brazil, and it is my deepest wish to be exposed to my guru's presence, instructions, and corrections—without them, I could easily come to the end of this life with mere aspirations and many regrets. Rinpoche will teach the retreatants approximately twice a year, and Lama Tenzin will guide us throughout the 43 months. So, it is a unique opportunity to deepen my practice and generate the twofold benefit with their support. When Rinpoche says that nothing would bring more benefit for oneself and others, I fully trust him and feel confident in following his wish.
The main purpose of doing this is to let go of the delusion of and attachment to a self, and naturally open up to wisdom and compassion—that's the aspiration that I will carry throughout the retreat and beyond. I plan to apply the experience of the retreat to my daily situations by becoming more carefree and selfless. As a physician who has been working and studying mainly in the field of mental health, I aspire especially to be more aware of others' needs and feelings, as well as more skilfull and wiser as I provide counselling and care to my patients, family, and friends. I believe that, if that aspiration is fulfilled at least to some extent, I may be able to benefit even those with whom I don't have a close relationship, by simply establishing a silent connection with them to the blessings of the lineage.
In terms of upholding the lineage, I'd like to accomplish anything Rinpoche wishes me to, anything that would support the survival of these teachings and practices for future generations. Regarding the curriculum, I'm committed to doing 3 months of Vajrasattva practice and accumulation, 1-2 months of Vajrakilaya, 14 months of Kunzang Tuktig ngöndro, 2 months of Trinley Nyingpo, 8 months of Kunzang Tuktig sadhana, 1 month of Sangwa Yeshe, 1 month of Korwa Dongtruk, and 1 year of Dzogchen practice, including the special preliminaries.
To make this possible, I've organized my finances and simplified my life. I'm not comfortable fundraising from my close sangha, as many are experiencing their own financial constraints, but I have applied for Khyentse Foundation scholarship. Given their non-Buddhist background and reservations about a long retreat, I haven't sought financial contributions from my relatives, but I've been preparing them emotionally.
For these reasons, I am requesting your support to partially cover the retreat fees. Thank you for your consideration.
My teacher, Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche, recommended that I enter a long-term retreat while I was on a two-month retreat last winter. I was surprised at this invitation, as it is rare that he extends this offer personally. He said one sentence has stayed with me and supports my motivation to go into long-term retreat. "If you wish to really study the Longchen Nyingtik lineage and commit yourself to be a practitioner, then this is the time for you to do it. If you want to do it, you should do it now." I believe it is a rare opportunity when motivation, aspiration, and conditions all align for retreat. Rinpoche, in his way of genuinely guiding his students, was correct. This is the perfect time for me to dedicated a period of my life to study and practice, as I do not have any personal, financial, health problems, and family issues that would take me from the retreat. I feel very grateful for this very rare and auspicious opportunity. I find that this time in retreat is dedicated to purification and realization, all held within the container that Rinpoche has created here at Samten Ling.
At the time of writing this letter, I have been on retreat for 3 months. My time has been fruitful and I have been progressing steadily in ngondro. I am currently in Vajrasatta, and I hope to complete all of my accumulation in the next 8 months. I would also be able to start the sadhana retreats once ngondro is complete. These retreats are 100 days in length, and Samten Ling is the recommended retreat center to complete them.
We also know that the path is not best suited to hard stiving, and I try to keep this in perspective when my practice revolves around accumulation. Outside of being able to fulfill my practice commitments, I find that the container that is Samten Ling is the best environment to see myself clearly, and with the support of the sangha and my teacher, to do the hard work of uprooting karmic patters and realizing the nature of my mind, and its brilliance which is always available. I find the practice here is to be one of purification and acclimation of merit. With the support of the Tsada Foundation, I would be able to stay in retreat for a much longer time to fulfill my heart's calling. To realize the precious Dharma teachings I have received and make the most of my short human life.
Even though I'm a Spiritual Daughter of a Cocama Cocamillo Medicine Family Lineage, it took me a long time to figure out the meaning of being a Medicine Woman and how to cultivate the path. Last year I lived a particularly intense learning process because my limitations to integrate movement keep pushing me around mind loops of deciding a guru, a yana, a main cicle of teachings to practice, deciding between dharma and medicine... When I finally decide to let everything go, and live in the present, Mountain Dharma unfolds by itself.
I first raised the aspiration to do a 3YR at Lapchi, and commit to come back once I am ready. In 2019 I had a dream about helping someone in a 3YR, and when I found out about Gomde's 3YR after receiving Chöky Nyima Rinpoche blessing, I moved there in October with the motivation to help with the project.
My aspiration is to serve Ati yoga transmission. I don't have the clarity to know what will benefit beings the most. I had glimpses of the path, I've seen Rinpoche sphere of enlightened activity, an unshakable sun of effortless compassion, exhausting phenomena, holding the supreme light of Ati Dzogpa Chenpo on the planet. I have no doubt that there is no difference between his mind and the mind of my guru.
During 2021 every time I got involved inner obstacles started coming to surface. So this year at the mid of 3MR When I was asked to help the 3YR Fundraising Team again, I was not sure if I had the stability needed for such a commitment to work again with the blood of the sangha. I had previously proposed myself to be a 3YR helper, and since I was on the waiting list for several months I already let it go. In February, Gomde resident nun told me she thought that I should do the retreat instead of help, so I felt that I needed to ask Rinpoche.
I thought his answer was going to take several weeks. But it took less than a week. I can not conceive why he thought I'm ready to do retreat. I'm extremely grateful for all the blessing and the learning I receive from Gomde and from the lineage. And I do know that is an amazing opportunity to repay the endless compassion of all my teachers.
Even though I'm aware I don't fulfill all the scholarship requirements, to consider this application is a way of recognizing all the lineages that walk within me, and to help me serve Chögyal Namkhai Norbu vision for the future of Ati Yoga transmission.
Not only material support, to honor the endless effort of the Sangha, to manifest Rinpoche's vision for the future of Dharma or realization in the West, I want to do retreat with the resolution to accomplish the state of the mind of my guru.
Hello, my name is Melizza, I am Venezuelan, from a small mountain town called Trujillo and at 28 I went out to look for opportunities for a quieter life and today I have been living in Madrid for eight years.
I am a girl with a lot of energy and desire to help the planet and every being that exists. So many have been my desire that I have discovered that the best thing I can do to help all beings is to be in the energy of love and within that path, I have also discovered that I must listen and look at the mind with great care and a lot of peace and that leads to an intense and concrete discipline that would be silence and meditation, I do not have spiritual studies, I only have one desire that my heart tells me and that is to live the path of Dharma. I have abandoned all my material possessions with the company of Barbara and with only one suitcase for each one, full of a lot of faith and love we went out to seek guidance for this path of introspection and without realizing it but with eternal happiness and gratitude, we have been living in Caneto-Huesca for a month sharing with incredible and beautiful people and with the guidance of Lama Tsultrim, I am looking forward to continuing to enrich my being with love and inner wisdom. I feel that this is the place for me, for that I am super grateful and opting for a scholarship with all the joy of knowing that there are people like you who believe in people like me and help them on their path of inner knowledge, I thank you very much. +
I took refuge in the Buddha about the time of my 18th birthday. I studied in the Theravada tradition culminating in ordination as a Theravadin monk in Burma; I lived there for two years of mostly retreat practice during which I had my 30th birthday. Later, I completed two three-year retreats with Lama Tharchin RinpocheÃs guidance during which I had my 40th birthday. After those retreats, Lama Tharchin discussed with me doing additional solitary retreat but I was unable to do so at that time. There were in fact plans for some time at his center, Pema Osel Ling, for solitary retreat cabins to be built on the property and of my living in one of those cabins but those plans changed. I have since had by 50th birthday living and working as a nurse while leading a fairly ordinary life. Luckily, it seems all those teachings have continued slowly maturing over the years with repeated practice and contemplation.
Since Lama Tharchin RinpocheÃs passing, I have felt a growing sense of responsibility to not waste what he spent so much effort teaching and I was so fortunate to receive both from him and the many excellent lamas he invited to teach his students. Not long ago, my sister died from cancer after being diagnosed at 64 years of age, just about the age I was previously planning to retire and then do more retreat. My sister's death caused me to re-evaluate my priorities and my plans for more retreat. I have also seen my aging vajra brothers and sisters develop health issues that would make solitary retreat quite difficult, if not impossible.
All of this has given me a jolting reminder that my time to further practice what Lama Tharchin taught me is finite and unpredictable. This is why I am wanting to honor my LamaÃs wishes by making plans for long term solitary retreat sooner, rather than later, as I had been planning.
I have read many times the letter Lama Tharchin wrote as Ãsome final advice just before dyingÃ. This letter along with recent interviews with his Dharma brother, Lama Pema Dorje, have given me assurance that I am thinking correctly and also reinforced my motivation for again entering into retreat practice. In fact, I feel it would be a great misfortune if I was to die without the chance to spend at least one year of my remaining life in serious retreat practice.
I hope that Tsadra Foundation considers my application because of this motivation to continue practicing these teachings and be of what benefit I can to myself, to all beings and to this very Earth we all find ourselves inhabiting at this time. This is the contribution I think I can make in this world that most fulfills my LamaÃs vision along with honoring my connection to and love of him. Hopefully, through this, something genuinely good can come out of being one of the students of such an excellent lama as Lama Tharchin Rinpoche.
Sitting here writing this and seeing my past retreats listed along with realizing I'm getting older and assessing my mind’s lack of maturation in these immensely profound teachings, I can’t help but feel extremely grateful but, I sure have more work to do.
After my 3 year retreats, some time in early 2009, Lama Tharchin and Lama Sonam discussed with me living there in solitary retreat in one of the cabins planned to be built on the Pema Osel Ling property for that purpose but those plans unfortunately changed and those cabins were never built. I subsequently have worked as a nurse since leaving 3 year retreat while leading a fairly ordinary life. Except fortunately, Tsadra Foundation sponsored me for 17 months of solitary retreat in 2018 and 2019. I again went back to work and ordinary life afterwards. This time I feel even ordinary life is benefiting my practice. I think the germ for that shift in perspective was experienced during that solitary retreat time and am grateful for my Tsadra sponsorship that made that possible.
After four years of hard work life, currently having more time for formal practice and review of the teachings given by my Lamas, my mind once again turns towards retreat.
I continue to feel a responsibility to not waste the teachings I have been given and, frankly, to prepare for death or at least senility in retirement. My health is good and I still have the energy to do formal retreat practice so the time is now it seems. Again reading the letter Lama Tharchin wrote as “some final advice just before dying” only reinforces my resolve.
I hope that Tsadra Foundation considers my application for solitary contemplative retreat sponsorship to continue practicing these teachings and to be of what benefit I can to all beings in this life and the next. This is the contribution I think I can make in this world that most fulfills my Lama’s wishes. +
My motivation for participating in this retreat is, as is the case with all practice, to gain the highest realization I can manage for the benefit of all beings, as far as space pervades. More tangibly, I am also thrilled to be able to offer my interpretation services to Lama Tenzin and my fellow retreatants, so that we may all achieve this goal together during this precious time. I have done what I can to orient my life and lifestyle to serving and practicing the Dharma and my gurus in this way, and I can think of no better opportunity to fulfill this lifelong ambition.
When the current group of retreatants sealed their boundary in 2022, I asked Kyabje Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche if I may also do retreat someday. His response seemed to indicate this might be a prospect for future lives: “Someday, not now.” He said at first. As such, I imagined I was doing little more than keeping the tendrel alive by asking his permission in November of 2024, and was surprised and overjoyed to hear him say that he would be “extremely happy if [I] could do retreat, since practice is the best offering we can possibly make to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas… and also me.”
This news came a scant 24 hours after Drubpon Lama Tenzin Sangpo gently implored I participate. Over dinner one night in the upper house at Gomde Pyrenees, I casually asked him how he would structure the forthcoming retreat, mistakenly believing that it would be based on the cycle of Tara’s Triple Excellence.
“No, same as now,” he responded, “also Kunzang Tuktik.”
My interest piqued, as I feel a close connection to this cycle in particular, and have been accumulating its ngondro practices for just over 2 years now. Perhaps Lama Tenzin detected this, because his entire demeanor also shifted.
“One year ngondro,” he said his wide eyes expanding to occupy what seemed like nearly half his face. “One year sadhana, and one year Dzogchen practices. I heard you were coming for three-year retreat soon, is that true?”
I was nonplussed, as I hadn’t previously imagined that such a perfect practice and service opportunity could present itself so abruptly. Lama Tenzin then continued to explain the importance of not putting practice off until later, and emphasized that given the age of my parents and my Guru, this particular span of three years was uncannily timed to make the best use of both my time and theirs, before we all get too old to act as we currently do.
I believe that Lama Tenzin is right, as he always is, and although the prospect is intimidating, I would be a miserable fool not to avail myself of what my kind teachers have done for me here. I am determined to follow through with this with every fiber of my being, and I would very gladly appreciate your help in overcoming the financial difficulties posed by having no more than a year to plan and save for this purpose.
Letter of Motivation
The Dharma saved my life.
I met the Buddha’s precious teachings about 7 years ago when I became friends with a practitioner who had just completed a 3 year retreat. It was then that he introduced me to Tsoknyi Rinpoche. After watching many of his teachings and reading and learning from my new friend, I was looking forward to attending my first one week retreat with him in October of 2015. It was everything I was needing and longing for and nothing I was expecting. By the end of the retreat, I knew from the depths of my heart that I had encountered something incredibly precious. So, when I learned about taking refuge, it felt like the natural next step.
After that week, I started doing Rinpoche's sitting practice of “Handshake." This is much like Shamatha without support. I also started doing regular chanting, reading and studying. However, as a beginner, my consistency with practice was up and down over the next number of years. But I always continued to attend Tsoknyi Rinpoche retreats whenever I could. I also started to go to Palpung Thubten Choling regularly to attend practices and teachings and volunteer my time as much as possible.
Then Covid-19 arrived in Spring of 2020 and devastated my physical, mental and emotional world. I underwent many personal hardships and struggled deeply with my practice or lack there-of. I started to give up. I started to give up deeply. On everything. Until I reconnected in a new way. And, then a shift. A longing and reaching out for what I always knew to be true. There was a clarity of not surviving without it. The sacred Dharma. I realized more than ever that I had to stay close and practice more deeply. It was a profoundly important lesson in impermanence and the cycle of Samsara.
A few months later I discovered that a 3 year retreat would be offered at Palpung Thubten Choling the following spring. I knew nothing could be more meaningful and immediately set my mind towards asking Lama Tsering if I could join the next retreat. How blessed I am that he gave me permission! Since that moment, I have been doing everything I can to prepare. This includes learning Tibetan, studying, getting my affairs in order and doing all I can to secure funds for the cost.
I understand how precious this opportunity is and I don't want to waste it! I have been blessed with a precious human life and I want to develop the strongest foundation I can to wake up and help myself and all sentient beings in any way I can. Any help you can provide towards this aspiration would be appreciated beyond measure!
I have wasted first 28 years of my life chasing happiness, love and trying to figure it all out. I failed but 25 years ago I found dharma and a qualified teacher. I am not better than any other applicant on your list. I just never gave up and kept studying dharma and practicing. Finding dharma was the best thing that ever happened to me but a true blessings came in a form of my greatest teachers, Ven. Tenga Rinpoche and Ven. Wangchen Rinpoche, true Bodhisattvas walking on this Earth. In 2022 I left my previous life, marriage, house and career and moved to Ser Cho Ling, a beautiful retreat center in central California to start a new chapter of my life. I dedicated myself to service and practice. I serve my teacher, sangha and practice and study every day. I don't have any source of income at this time.
Wangchen Rinpoche recommended that I will enter into a three year retreat under his guidance. I am finally ready to do that. I am mature enough to be aware of the commitment I take and what it means. I believe that the guidance of my teacher with my dedication, diligence and genuine daily practice of bodhicitta will bring positive results. Most of all, I dedicate all of these positive results for the benefit of all mother sentient beings. I can not do this without financial support and therefore, I kindly ask you to consider my humble request. May all beings benefit. +
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I wish to do retreat in order to purify my habitual thought patterns that veil my true nature. My afflictive emotions have caused much suffering for myself and others. I want to be free of these problems so that I may be able to help others free themselves from suffering as well. Service has been a way of life for me, first in the Gurdjieff community and later in the Buddhist community. As a young woman, I wanted to help others in some way. During my Buddhist studies I came to realize that the help I envisioned was temporary and limited. When engaged in ordinary life I usually stay so busy, succumbing to the distraction of doing, that I tell myself, “I’ll do this inner work of individual practice later” – a mistaken belief.
There came a time in my life when some of the aspects that I held most dear began to unravel. My marriage began falling apart and my son began experiencing mental health issues. While struggling to maintain and keep going, I slowly realized my ordinary life as a homemaker, wife and teacher was not going to hold genuine happiness in the long run. My mind turned toward the dharma for refuge.
It was during this time that the teachings I had received from Chagdud Rinpoche came alive in a way I had never previously experienced. The dharma and its potent methods were like a life line for me. The Red Tara Practice served as a readily accessible means for me to take refuge, pray and make noble aspirations that all beings be free of suffering. I had the direct experience of how these practices can act as a medicine for the pain of loss and sorrow. I recall feeling strengthened in a most curious way by making prayers that my suffering, taken in the right way, could somehow relieve that of others. Many years have come and gone since then, yet relying on dharma remains at the core of my being.
I wish to move beyond my long held belief in ‘doing’ as the only way for me to manifest in the world. I am now sixty and have ‘done’ so much in my life. My hair is gray, my energy wanes—left unchecked, this belief in ‘doing’ will end in sickness, old age and death. I’d rather end this belief by ‘dying’ to this habit of mind in the retreat process. I want to shed the layers of stories I repeat to myself about who I am. There’s little sense of spaciousness in that mind frame, I become the story, losing connection with my essential nature.
My aspiration is that a long retreat will serve as the means to purify my heart so that I can embrace the beings in this world without bias, freeing myself from dualistic fixation in order to authentically serve others.
