Property:Letterofmotivation
From Tsadra Foundation Advanced Contemplative Scholarships
This is a property of type Text.
R
Comment mettre des mots sur une aspiration, une évidence comme cela l'a été dès les 1ers mots du Dharma que j'ai entendus.
Au gré des enseignements, des retraites... cela s'est imposé.
En plus de tout mon parcours d’enseignements, de pratiques, de toutes mes expériences, j'ai eu l'immense privilège et/ou chance de pouvoir suivre la préparation à la retraite de 3 ans actuelles à Paldenshangpa. Loin de m'éloigner de cette aspiration, cela l'a renforcée.
Pour autant, je voulais être sûre d'avoir la bonne motivation : ne pas la faire par orgueil, par reconnaissance, pour avoir un titre, mais bien dans une quête de progression sur la voie. Je me rends compte à quel point tout est samsara et qu'ai-je de mieux à faire pour sortir de cela ? Faire ce voyage intérieur pour découvrir le trésor caché de l'esprit, ses qualités...pour moi, pour autrui, pour agir de manière juste.....
J'ai conscience que cette voie n'est pas des plus simples mais je n'en vois pas d'autre.
Les obstacles vont être nombreux mais au fil des retraites j'ai appris à ne plus anticiper les difficultés, celles qu'on suppose ne sont pas celles qui vont l'être et d'autres qu'on ne pensait pas, apparaissent. Les difficultés des uns ne sont pas celles des autres. Bref c'est une aventure qui nécessite de l'ouverture et de la confiance parce que personne ne sait exactement ce qui l'attend et ce qu'il va y trouver. Faire confiance au Dharma, au maître parce que ce sont les seuls refuges fiables.
3 ans ½ que je me prépare : en organisation (privée, professionnelle), en étude, en lecture, en pratique......
Si je disais que je n'avais pas d'appréhension, je mentirai. Quitter la vie « mondaine », ses enfants, ses amis, sa famille est difficile mais c'est à ce prix et le 1er obstacle à dépasser, me semble-t-il.
Ai-je assez de connaissance, de pratique ? J'en doute souvent....
Mais je sais que ma motivation est là et que cette retraite représente le début d'un long chemin sur la voie. +
S
My involvement with the Dharma started about twelve years ago. Before becoming aware of the Dharma I was living a life that was characterised by self-destructive behaviour. Underlying this was self-loathing and self hatred. In my professional life I was efficient but always un-settled and unhappy. My personal relationships, especially those with my then partner, parents and siblings were strained. I was an unhappy, maladjusted young man, getting by in a haze of cannabis smoke.
When I was 27 I had the good fortune of working with someone who was teaching meditation at the Johannesburg Samye Dzong. This was my link to sanity, a turning point. It was here that I discovered what was missing in my life. Spiritual nutrition. I started spending more of my spare time at the centre, I had found a dependable source of refuge. I became a keen mediator under the guidance of Rob Nairn. I also joined the ÃBack to Beginnings' therapy programme of Akong Tulku Rinpoche.
In early 2003 I went on pilgrimage and met HH Karmapa and also attended Situ Rinpoche's 50th birthday celebration. It was with Situ Rinpoche that I took the Bodhisattva aspiration vow. This was another key event for me. I understood within myself that I was to dedicate the rest of my life to fulfil this aspiration and that as an integral part of doing this, a four year cloistered retreat was a first step.
My experience of my own mind post retreat is dramatically different from what it was before the retreat. Self-loathing and self-hatred have been radically dissolved and no longer are part of my psychological landscape. I am enthusiastic about the possibilities life is presenting me. I enjoy sharing my experience with other people and when I lead functions at the centres in South Africa people really connect with my experience. Many people knew me before the retreat and what they see in me now delights them, especially my parents for whom I was always a source of great concern. For my parents and siblings to see me happy and confident, enjoying my work as a monk is a great blessing and they support me completely.
My aspiration for the future is to continue my personal development on the path and also to fulfil the vision Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche has for me. The next step for me is to do another four year cloistered retreat.
I am dedicating my life to the Dharma as a life ordained monk. I want the South African centres to be the kind of place where people like myself can come when all worldly sources of refuge reveal themselves to be dissatisfying. The centres desperately need a monastic presence and a spiritual leader, things which are at this time lacking, but a role I aspire to fulfil.
I am currently in retreat on Holy Isle and made the decision to enter into retreat in order to deepen my connection to practice and dedicate myself wholeheartedly to this path which leads to freedom from suffering and the uncovering of the truth.
The Buddhadharma describes in great detail our suffering, the suffering of others and the endlessness of this suffering while we remain in a deluded state of being. The Buddha taught that we are deluded, we are confused, we see things mistakenly, and because of this we act mistakenly, non-virtuously, thus setting ourselves up for further suffering.
For myself, having accepted that this is how things are, I do feel that I have turned away from Samsara towards the Dharma with the intention of dedicating whatever time I have left in this life to the study, contemplation and practice of the Dharma in order to attain some results, however small, with the shorter term aims of reducing the afflictions and obtaining a precious human rebirth, and the longer term aim of attaining full awakening for the benefit of all sentient beings.
When we think about the possibility of attaining full awakening, enlightenment, it seems to be something so huge, so special, so far away from who and what we currently are. But actually, the Buddha taught, and my kind Lamas have also taught that we are already Buddha, we already have all of the qualities of compassion, love and intelligence within us. We just have to clear away our delusion, our confusion, our habitual negative patterns of behaviour in order to give these qualities the space to be.
All of the methods that the Buddha taught, the entire Buddhist path, as I currently understand it, is about enabling us to dispel this delusion, this confusion, our mistaken way of seeing things which result in our negative or non-virtuous behaviours.
Having faith in these methods and having faith in my Lamas who are prepared to guide me in this process, I feel that this opportunity, to spend an extended period of time in closed retreat, focussing entirely on the study, contemplation and practice of the dharma is the most fortunate of circumstances for me and of crucial importance to my development as a dharma practitioner.
I sincerely wish to overcome all shortcomings, all selfishness, all mistakenness within myself that I may become someone truly able to help others, truly able to be of benefit to others. This is my deepest aspiration and reason for wishing to continue in retreat and it is with this motivation, this sincere hope for the future benefit of myself and others that I ask you to consider me as a suitable recipient for a Tsadra Scholarship.
I have been studying Buddhist philosophy more or less intensively for the past fifteen years. I have done so very happily, whilst at the same time remaining perfectly aware that engaging in Dharma study was merely touching on the surface of what is to be known. And more essentially, what is to be experienced.
I will be finished with the formal cycle of studies in January 2015. Whilst there would be a few opportunities for me to put my learning into use by teaching others or engaging in translation work, I feel somehow nearly embarrassed to do so, to the extent that my theoretical knowledge is backed with very little direct meditative experience.
From a personal point of view, doing the three-year retreat is something that has been with me for years, albeit as a long-distant dream. I now feel that the time has come to actually realise this dream.
On a practical level, I am accustomed to the Tibetan language and am familiar with the view that is the backbone of all practice. I would thus expect to have little difficulties getting to grip with the sadhana texts.
The only (and main) unknown is how well or not I will be able to tame my mind and go through the intense internal introspection which one is faced with during such a long period of retreat. I have no doubt that doing this four year retreat will be very challenging, possibly one of the most challenging thing I will ever have to go through in this lifespan. At the same time, I also feel I cannot let this golden opportunity go by.
It is so easy to get distracted by the constant worldly occupations and interruptions that "civil life" throws at you. I feel I have spent my life in the unending selfless pursuit of momentary happiness. I am longing to get a prolonged break from all the constant agitation of the outer world and endless resulting mental self-absorption. To get an opportunity to get face to face with my mind, with no escape possible. To look at its fabrics. To work with the intense reactions which long-term isolation will inevitably bring out. To watch the ego. Trap it. Transform it.
I am looking for the opportunity to give myself a chance to go deep into practice. To get accustomed to all these wonderful practices of the Kagyu lineages that are part of such a rich and unbroken heritage. To feel my devotion to the lineage masters increase. To get closer to the essential core of the teachings of my beloved teacher, Khenpo Tsultrim Gyatso Rinpoche.
I am hoping that by going through this intense training, I will come out with a more mature, more stable and more disciplined mind. But above all, if I could come out of this retreat with a more other-oriented heart, a more truly loving heart, the purpose of engaging in this four year retreat will be fully achieved. This is the main 'achievement' I am expecting out of this rertreat.
I was in a dark place for a very long time before I found the Dharma. The meditation, teachings and ordination has opened me up to a whole new world that I think so many people could benefit from. I've been able to make sense and find answers to things that have happened in my life and ended so much of my suffering. The retreat is part of the road to recovery and to balance my mind and body in order for me to have a solid foundation for the rest of my life. If I engage totally in the mediations, I'm convinced the healing process will be of maximum benefit not only to myself, but for all the other people I'm then in good condition to help. The realisation that it's not just about me any more, it's about all beings, has been one of the factors for me staying on this path and looking towards doing the retreat. At the moment I can only share my experiences with people. The retreat can offer me a much deeper insight which in turn will make me better equiped to help people with their own sufferings. +
I entered the ngondro retreat on Holy Island with a one year commitment, which was huge compared to anything I had done before. As we are nearing the end of this year, we only recently found out about the possibility of carrying on with a three-year retreat and I am still considering this opportunity.
Since I took refuge I often thought with amazement about those doing a long retreat, seeing this as a most valuable thing to do in one's life, because from the perspective of many lifetimes it can plant the seed for long-lasting benefits. I can see that unless earnest work is done for changing my mind to be more virtuous and tamed, at the time of death the poisons will take over. How will this mind then be able to continue on the path to liberation to liberate limitless sentient beings ? Of course, being able to redirect my rebirth would be a highly unrealistic and deluded expectation! Nonetheless, if the seed can be planted for being reborn with a true guru, having a connection with the genuine Dharma and being able to continue on the path to liberation, then that is my aspiration. Indeed should this not happen, what purpose would all practice in this life have served?
A three-year retreat is an invaluable opportunity to practice in depth and prepare for the time of death. Until that time, it can help one to become less deluded, gain some insight and make a more beneficial use of this precious life for oneself and others. However, having attachment to this life, I am pondering whether this would be suited for my level of renunciation, that is, whether I would be able to honor these practices with no regret, with the unwavering motivation and positive outlook that they deserve. It is possible that living in the world, doing shorter retreats and keeping reflecting on the four thoughts that change the mind would be more honest and appropriate to my level of practice, even if this means progressing more slowly than a genuine practitioner would in a three year retreat.
We are presently receiving teachings with the deeply realized, learned and skilful Khenpo Lhabu Drupon Rinpoche. This gift of daily teachings over a long period of time from this most incredible teacher is unique in the west, and absolutely invaluable. Sometimes I really wish I was studying in Nepal!
As expressed, I am still contemplating how things will develop until the end of the retreat, but I do realize the importance of the opportunity that is presented here. I am looking forward to the meeting at Samye Ling and believe that things will be clearer then.
Yours sincerely,
Lise-Marie Lejamtel
I want to start by outlining my motivations for undertaking Samye Ling's previous 4-year retreat in 2005. They were essentially two-fold:
Firstly, through my introduction to, and study of Buddhism, a long-held sense of the pointlessness of pursuing wealth and relationships began to crystallize in my mind. Having, instead, developed a great appreciation for the Dharma, I wanted to dedicate myself to the practice of it.
Secondly, however, despite my enthusiasm, I found that I did not have what it took to integrate a serious amount of practice into my life. All my attempts to make some headway into Ngondro practice, for instance, never really got off the ground. Though moved by my contemplation of the 4 thoughts, I realised, in frustration, that I was just too lazy and attached to the ordinary pleasures of life, and that I needed the structure and support of retreat.
After much discussion with my parents and girlfriend of the time I enrolled and participated. As well as fulfilling my original motivation (I'm confident now that I could integrate practice with a non-monastic lifestyle quite well), the experience has broadened my aspirations.
Although I was aware of the importance of Bodhicitta, it was not, I must admit, a significant part of what inspired me to undertake the retreat back then. Still, now, my concerns are predominantly self-centred but there is, I believe, at least some element of Bodhicitta in my aspiration to participate in the upcoming retreat.
I wish now, in whatever way I can, to be a part of the spread of Tibetan Buddhism in the west, both by helping to establish an infrastructure within which I hope it will flourish, and also by becoming a vessel for the teachings and experience of the Dharma. It has given me a strong sense of purpose and direction and it was to this end that I took life ordination a little over a year ago.
Naturally, the Tibetan masters and teachers that I've met and received teachings from are of primary inspiration to me but I've also benefitted a great deal from the understanding and experience of some of their seasoned western students. By virtue of sharing similar cultural backgrounds, and English as a first language, their influence and teaching has complemented, for me, the original Tibetan source very nicely.
I hope, through applying myself with enough diligence to understanding and practicing the Dharma, that I will be able to benefit others in a similar way.
To start, I need to clarify, I am not asking for the full amount to pay for the retreat.
I am going to be the caretaker for the next retreat at the Samye Dechen Shing retreat centre and I am only requesting the personal expenses portion of the award
Although I am not sure if you are able to do this.
I have been living and working at the Samye Ling Tibetan centre since 1998.
I was lost and unsure of the world during my mid twenties, I was desperate to understand this life into which I had been born but could find no satisfying answers.
I went to Samye Ling (a large Tibetan monastery founded by Akong Rinpoche and Chogyam Trungpa) for a few days after a particularly difficult time at work.
As soon as I got to the centre I knew that I had come home. I had only booked a 5 night stay but after 3 days I went home and wrapped up my life and moved to Eskdalemuir and the Tibetan Centre.
This may seem like a rash decision but I had met Lama Yeshe and I knew this man could help explain the world to me.
For the next 7 years I spent a lot of time building, I am a carpenter by trade so I am fortunate in being able to offer my skills to the Dharma. I have worked on two Stupas, the womens retreat centre, the entrance gate at Samye Ling amongst a fair number of other projects!
5 years ago I was lucky enough to enter the first retreat to be held here, Samye Dechen Shing, a converted farm that is the new mens retreat centre for Samye Ling.
Retreat was the first time I was able to see what practice was able to do and how important and vital retreat is.
After the retreat, in a combination of both volunteering and being asked by Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche, I became the caretaker of the retreat centre and will be the retreat caretaker during the upcoming 4 year retreat.
I see this as the perfect opportunity to divide my time between offering my service to the community and practice.
I will be living here full time with one week spent with my parents each year. My duties will be shopping for the retreat, maintenance of the buildings and land and relief for the retreat cook.
I plan on spending 4 hrs a day for 6 days and one full day, practicing. As well as my daily practice commitments from the previous retreat, I initially plan on doing another Ngondro and then deciding with Lama Yeshe what should be my next step.
So as I say, I do not need the retreat fees but as this is an unpaid job I would be very grateful if I could be awarded the personal expenses portion of the sponsorship award.
As a young person growing up in South Africa within the apartheid system I found myself drawing inspiration from iconic figures like Ghandi and Nelson Mandela. Then as a student at the university of Cape Town, I had the opportunity to study comparative religions and found myself feeling that here I might find a framework from which I might contribute. The notion of retreat really took shape when I was able to spend a year living as house keeper and companion to an Anglican Monk in Namibia. So this opportunity, coupled with the retreat time that I have already been fortunate enough to have had, represents the fulfilment of my own internal calling.
My most sincere intention throughout has been to gain some level of experience and proficiency in the practices that will mean that I can fulfil some responsible and useful role within the Samye Ling Mandala either in the U.K or in Africa, under the direct guidance of my Abbot, Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche. +
Everyday the world becomes more negative. Human activity is pervaded with conflict fuelled by the pursuit of worldly ends. I see the suffering in the world and feel helpless to make a positive change. I have a strong will and a lot of determination but without wisdom there is no way for me to apply myself effectively to benefit others. Having the opportunity to do Ãa little bit' of intensive practise has given me a glimpse of the possibilities for transformation and how this transformation can be helpful to others.
Through study and from receiving teachings I have come to appreciate that traditional retreat is one of the most effective ways in which a practitioner may make progress along the path. Meeting those who have undergone long retreat has added some conviction to that appreciation. Although I have no ambition to become a teacher or lama, I recognise the positive qualities in those that I have met and how important practice has been to their development.
ÃHaving obtained the endowments of precious human existence, possessing faith, diligence, and wisdom, having met an excellent spiritual master and received essential instructions, may we practice properly without obstacles.' Aspiration Prayer of Mahamudra of Certainty. Karmapa Rangjung Dorje.
On discussing retreat with Akong Rinpoche in 2007, I was strongly encouraged to make the commitment. For sometime now I have made aspirations in my practice to undergo long retreat and I feel that over the last few years many conditions, including finding out about your scholarship, have come together to make this possible. The aspiration remains and only becomes stronger, yet Samsaric preoccupation just serves to delay the process.
ÃIf first you finish what you have to do, you'll never get to Dharmaà while you're thinking of it, practice straight away' Padampa Sangye, The Hundred Verses of Advice.
Rather than focusing on all the positive qualities that I may or may not possess or the limitless potential I am told I have, I feel retreat is a way to address my many negative aspects and obstacles: to develop patience and confront anger and frustration; to look at desire and strong attachment; to recognise ignorance and develop wisdom. Until self-concern is completely exhausted how can one really work towards the benefit of others?
à Only Mother Machik Labkyi Drolma, think of me from the expanse of prajnparamitra. Cut my ignorance of clinging to self at its root. May I see the truth of selflessness beyond concepts.' Calling the guru from Afar, Lodro Thaye.
I really, really would like to achieve enlightenment in one lifetime. When I was younger I thought that there was nothing that I couldn't achieve if I put my mind to it. Maybe now that I am a little older and less headstrong, (or possibly more realistic), I have to accept that it may not happen in THIS lifetime - also to understand that this is OK too! To become a perfectly enlightened Buddha for the benefit of all sentient beings may take countless lifetimes but the journey starts here, today. I can think of no better way in which I can fulfil my commitment to do everything I can to benefit others than to participate in a long retreat.
I want to be a better person, to live without the imprisonment of my mind poisons and make manifest the true unlimited, compassionate state of mind. I want to be able to make a difference to people's lives, and to do that and to truly help I have to conquer my own mind first, to be the change.
Growing up I had an amazing family life and support in everything I did, at an early age I was introduced to Buddhism by my mother. I was very drawn to the philosophies and message within the Buddha's teachings. After completing school I work and travelled around the world, experiencing different cultures and traditions, and never feeling I really belong to anywhere or way of life. Until I met Lama Yeshe and I was given the opportunity to take monks vows, since then my life has had so much focus and meaning, and I started the journey of really discovering my own mind.
Since completing the last long term retreat I have been able to travel home where I lived and worked at the dharma centres in Zimbabwe, where Buddhism is really starting to flourish, during my time there I realized what a huge impact the dharma can make to people's lives, especial people living in such impoverished conditions, but at the same time I also realized how fundamental it is to be at a state of stability in one's own mind before you can truly help others. The only way to do this is through dedication and diligence, and many years of retreat. My Lama, Lama Yeshe Rinpoche has offered me the opportunity to do this here at Samye Dechin Shing, taking part in the next traditional retreat and hopefully many more to come, I am committed to many years of retreat, to truly tame my mind. I am relatively young and so have a fantastic opportunity to really make a difference to my own being and also to the people of Zimbabwe. In Zimbabwe I have seen the worst of what humans are capable of, but within that I have also seen what an amazing power love, compassion and forgiveness have, and want to be able to develop these qualities, not just within myself, but back home, and to be a part of the growth of Buddhism in African, to help in some way in the Samye Ling Mandala.
I developed the wish to take part in a long retreat the first time I heard about it, 7 years ago during a volunteer day in Dri lÃAk. Since that time every major choice of my life was influenced by the wish to tke part in a long retreat. I was so fascinated and attracted by it, as it is a full commitment that involves all the aspect of our body, speech and mind.
I believe it can really help me to diminish my mental poisons, and get closer to my Lama.
I think long retreat is a wonderful and unique opportunity to use those skillful buddhist methods, within an appropriate framework, in order to do a real job on our kleshas, and to discover the natural and original qualities of our mind.
We have the incredible chance to have an authentic and genuine Drupon, in the person of Khenpo Lhabu. It is so important to practice under the guidance of true Lama. I want to learn Dharma correctly, just as it was transmitted from master to disciple from Buddha Shakyamuny until our present masters. I wish to learn the practices the way it should be and with the correct motivation and mental state, not just for me, but in order to benefit others. Nowadays more and more people are practicing vajrayana Buddhism in western countries, we need to learn those practices on a traditional and strict way in order to not contaminate them.
I had the good fortune to meet great Lamas like Akong Rinpotche and Situ Rinpotche and to practice under their guidance. I feel a huge aspiration to get closer to them. I want to to do everything in my capacities to become a better human being and a wiser and more compassionate practitioner. That is why I feel no other wish than to dedicate all my time and energy in that direction for the future 3 years, even if I know it will be the most difficult situation I have never faced.
I will do my best. +
Since connecting with the Dharma in Kopan Monastery back in 1994, I have wanted to go into retreat. I felt certain then, as I do now, that practicing the Dharma and being of benefit to others is why I am here. When I moved to Kagyu Samye Ling Monastery in Scotland at the end of 1995 I asked if it would be possible to be ordained and go into retreat. I was allowed to become a monk, but was told by my teachers that it was not the right time for me to go into retreat. During the years that followed I was encouraged at times to do retreats' of between one and three months, but it was again repeated to me that I was not ready for the long retreat and that I should continue to do my best to practice, study and serve the community. Having said that, I have always made the most of the time I have for practice each day and spent eight months in silence during my first year at Samye Ling. In 2007, following advice from Akong Tulku Rinpoche, I travelled to India and asked H.E Tai Situ-pa Rinpoche if I should go into the next retreat at Samye Ling. Situ Rinpoche said that the next retreat would be a good time for me to go into retreat.
My motivation for wanting to go into retreat has always been that I have a sincere wish to awaken for the sake of being able to help others do likewise. As a result of applying myself in retreat for four years I hope to become more stable as a practitioner and be in a better position to serve my teachers and be of benefit to others. +
All my adult life I have been searching for a path that will enable me to really help others, hence the various trainings and studies I have done. Since engaging with this lineage through Lama Tsondrus clear presentation of Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoches "Heart of Compassion" in 2009, I feel that I have finally found what I was looking for. Lama Tsondru recommended "Words of My Perfect Teacher" and the book moved me and has become a valued companion on my Dharma path. During Akong Tulku Rinpoches visit to Southern Africa in 2010 I was inspired to attend Alan Mullers Ngondro teachings and begin contemplating the Four Thoughts and practising Refuge and Bodhicitta. Realising how difficult it is for a beginner like myself to keep momentum going when involved in everyday life, I grabbed the opportunity to enter a 6 month Ngondro retreat in South Africa in 2012. The retreat enabled me to see how deep-seated the habitual negative tendencies are in my mind and confirmed for me how diametrically opposed the Buddhadharma way is to the worldly way. I felt committed to continue this work on myself. Whilst I have not been able to give up all my attachments, I have, bit by bit, left behind a good income position, my pets, home, friends and family as well as many luxuries in order to make progress in Dharma. This is because I could see the benefits of being in a Dharma environment and being guided by a genuine, wise and compassionate lama.
Having attended Drupon Rinpoche Khenpo Lhabus Shinay retreat and final Shedra teaching month at Samye Ling in 2014 I felt I couldn't miss the opportunity of applying for the then proposed four year retreat on Holy Isle.
In 2015 he provided extensive and detailed Ngondro teachings prior to this one year retreat and he continues to provide us with daily on-line teachings from Sekar in Nepal. I understand this to be a very rare and precious situation which has allowed me to more fully appreciate the importance of a solid foundation in the preliminaries. Through his teachings whilst in retreat I have grown in understanding how to apply the Dharma to my own mind. From time to time I am able to see how my own mind tricks me (into believing in the permanence of things and beings and how it is only my self-cherishing that creates "friend" and "enemy"). This seeing is not at all stable and the habitual tendencies are quickly back in place.
My aspirations for the three-year retreat are to continue the process of uncovering and turning away from ingrained mistaken ways of perceiving and thinking, to make progress in understanding and developing compassion and to stabilise a kind-hearted attitude towards others. My longer-term heart wish is to become thoroughly disgusted with cyclic existence and become a true Dharma person with the wisdom and compassion to be a reliable help and support to others.
When in retreat I always feel that there is nothing more valuable I could be doing anywhere else. I gave up career and marital prospects to develop dharma practice, and tame my mind. It has already been quite a long journey with many ups and downs, but my desire to develop inner and outer understanding of the dharma only grows, and the time I wish to spend doing other activities gets correspondingly smaller.
While living in our centre in London I found life meaningful and enjoyable, but always yearned for more retreat (and study opportunities). I feel that I have been able to contribute to the wellbeing of others there as well as in other voluntary roles, but in order to truly inspire others and to have something truly meaningful to offer to others I need to continue to work hard on inner transformation. I don't wish to deceive others, so there is no choice but to become a practitioner with understanding, experience, and realisation, as well as strong and consistent kindness/compassion.
I do feel that what little I have achieved so far in the way of qualities in terms of renunciation and relative Bodhicitta, as well as in meditation practice, is still vulnerable, and could easily be lost without more practice. +
Having successfully completed one long retreat, I now have a much clearer idea of what it involves and I am looking forward to the second retreat as a way of going deeper and stabilizing my practice. Much time in the previous retreat was devoted to learning accurately the many technical, ritual details entailed with each practice and I am enthusiastic about returning to those practices in a more informed and less pressured way to discover them on a new level.
Of course, my overall long-term intention is to be truly useful to others, in all the ways expressed in the various bodhisattva teachings, but I know that whether this would become a reality in this life or the next is not certain. I can only do my best to practice and the rest depends on circumstances. Although I can see the value of all the Buddha's teachings and the various paths offered, my own way forward, to fulfilment in this life, has been clearly indicated both by my own inner conviction and the advice of my guru, which fortunately coincide, namely to work intensely on my mind and bodhicitta in meditation retreat until I genuinely become someone worthy of holding the Dharma, through developing the traditional practices until they bring out the right qualities in me. After that first retreat, I appreciate now more than ever the value of my own teacher's advice, which was to do ideally three long retreats. That first retreat gave me a much clearer idea of what personal transformation this profound level of dharma entails and what progress is practically possible during a single retreat, in terms of both purification of my mind and my karma and also in achieving real qualities, such a humility within insight and a much more authentic love for my fellow beings. Therefore I can see that my guru's counsel was wise because it was so very realistic and based on his experience of many retreaters. One needs to input whatever time and effort is needed to accomplish the practice so that it has will make a real and reliable difference. I am very motivated to do that and feel grateful to have entered the dharma relatively young and to have received such good opportunities so far.
My plan after this retreat to take Gelongma vows and to do the third retreat while holding those vows.
I was very struck by one of HH Dalai Lama`s teachings in which he highlighted the importance of morality, i. e. ordained sangha practicing the Vajrayana and the growing importance of that for the future. It is a possibility that after the third retreat I will be asked to help dharma centres but the decision for that depends entirely on my teachers. If their advice and HH Karmapa's advice is to continue with more retreat I will be totally happy doing that.
I am reliant on your help to achieve the above and hope that the Foundation will look kindly on my application and that I can use your help to better serve both the dharma and all beings.
It is quite simple, actually. I was given the great gift of being able to participate in the Shangpa Kagyu retreat. Of course, what this fundamentally amounts to is receiving a comprehensive introduction to the lineage and its practices. Though it is possible have experiences on account of the potency and blessings of the lineage, for the vast majority of practitioners (read, "me"), the generation and stabilization of such to the point that they become stable and of some deeper benefit, will come from further intensive practice outside of or in addition to a first three-year retreat.
I think that my situation is rare: I've done retreat; I relished it; I want to do more; I don't have spousal obligation or any other formal obligations; I don't harbor (gross) worldly ambitions; and I'm relatively sane. And despite my aspirations, these circumstances are, perhaps, fleeting. While all these causes and conditions are in place, I want to take advantage of the situation. Though I can boast of no profound insights or prodigious aptitude, I do enjoy the practices and find it relatively easy to devote time to it given the proper environment and supports. I do get requests to teach and take on translation projects, but I have tried (mostly successfully) to keep my options open--hoping to find the opportunity to do more intensive retreat.
I suppose that I could say more, but this is the essence. Whether or not I receive a grant, I rejoice in the good works in which Tsadra Foundation engages. There is a grave obstacle hindering the continual, sustained emergence of individuals with substantive spiritual experience in the West; namely, the lack of a culture of financially supporting those who dare to make spiritual development the priority in their lives. Surely, it would be difficult to underestimate the benefits of creating such a precedent.
May your vital work continue and serve as a impetus for similar entities to come! +
Even as a child it was my observation that the world was full of avoidable suffering. I therefore was interested, in early adolescence, in political structures and their consequences. I soon realized that the success of political systems is limited by the psychological state of the people who compose them, and so became focused on Western psychology, intending to make it my adult profession. This intention faded with the realization that one's ability to help others finds its limit in one's own experienced understanding. So my interest turned to people who seemed to fully embody what they taught.
I was fortunate then to encounter Kagyu Changchub Chuling, at the relatively young age of 20, and Lama Michael Conklin, who was able to speak to me past my own obstacles. From the start, I felt at home with the Karma Kagyu and Shangpa Kagyu lineages, as carried by Kyabje Kalu Rinpoche and Bokar Rinpoche, and taught at KCC. From that time, those who embody the lineage, from the masters of the past to the Western Lamas I've met (Ken McLeod, Sarah Harding, those of other schools like Tenzin Tulku, and countless others) have been a source of guidance whether I was experiencing the excitement of inspiration or darkness of discouragement. The Sangha has provided both high exemplars and practical advice.
In the past decade, especially the past four years as I've worked full-time managing Ser ChÑ â¦sel Ling, KCC's retreat center, my confidence in Lama Michael, the lineage, and the dharma itself has been tested and refined thoroughly. Living immersed in an environment and community focused solely on the dharma has brought to my awareness successively deeper levels of my own unchosen habits. It has become clear that there is nowhere to go, no arrangement of worldly circumstances, that will provide consistent happiness. And IÐ¥ve seen that dharma practice has been beneficial for me personally; it may be slight but people who know me say that I've become more patient, curious, and joyful through practice.
Since 2006, when I decided I wanted to participate in a KCC's Three-Year Retreat, I've seen the retreat as an oasis in the desert, as though I've been struggling through the inhospitable environment of samsara continually and have finally come across an opportunity to be truly nourished and healthy. In that context there is no choice about the matter. In that situation you donХt wonder if there is a better oasis around the corner, you just stop to drink. It isn't Three-Year Retreat in the abstract that appeals to me; it is that this appears to be a genuine opportunity in my life for deep contemplative training in an authentic tradition with which I have a strong connection. The confluence of these conditions is a miracle that cannot be ignored and so I've made every effort to arrange my life to take advantage of the opportunity. My hope is to be able to fully engage in practice and simply see what, if anything, results.
Thank you for your consideration,
Galen Doucette
Be a Servant and a Vessel of the Dharma
From Jamgon KongtrulХs Chenrezig Reading Transmittion
I read these simple but profound words while on one year retreat. At the time they touched me deeply and still resonate with me. I aspire to be a servant and a vessel of the dharma and believe that the means to move in this direction is within the space of a three year retreat under the guidance and instruction of my incredible teachers, Lama Michael Conklin and Lama Tara Goforth. I am blessed to have met them in this lifetime.
Prior to each daily practice session on one-year retreat I prayed for guidance that I would engage in the practice precisely as it was designed to be performed so that I would move forward on the path of uncovering wisdom and compassion in order to become capable of guiding others. Specifically I prayed to develop three things: to learn and engage in the practices rigorously, to learn to teach the practices and ultimately to teach the practices. When the practices bore fruit, I prayed that whatever my experience, may I develop for the nourishment of others.
I have faith that in the course of the three year retreat through the diligent immersion into the preliminaries, creation & completion and meditation practices on the nature of mind I will transform into a vessel suitable to fully receive the sacred teachings into my being. Already, as a result of the one year retreat, I can sense that wisdom and compassion are expanding and body, speech and mind experiences are enriched. I can feel that this process is still evolving. I can also feel wisdom energy expanding and permeating more and more of my experience on and off the cushion. I am experiencing a joy and relief that the dharma brings.
From this place of freedom grows a powerful desire to devote the rest of this life and future lives to spreading the dharma, just as I witness my teachers and senior sangha members doing. I am inspired to emulate their skillful activity. I understand that at present I donХt have the skill or capacity to conduct myself accordingly so I enter into a three year retreat to apply the profound meditations with joyful exertion and with the ultimate intention to attain enlightenment in order to relieve others, as I have had the good fortune to be relieved. I will engage myself fully and with the purest intention of bodhicitta. I will leave affairs of this world behind to focus entirely on awaking in this lifetime.
Being accepted into a three year retreat is not something I take lightly or for granted. I consider it an enormous privilege and honor. I feel an immense sense of responsibility to practice to my full potential and to live up to the livesХ examples of the Lamas and the lineages. I can never repay their kindness and generosity but I can learn to become a servant and a vessel of the dharma.
When I was a little girl I was out walking with my mother and I asked her if I could pick a flower and she said, ТYou can. But ask yourself, ФIf everyone did that, what would happen?Х У As time went by I found inside her question lots of room to discover the effect of my actions and a sense of their result, in a context inclusive of others.
As decades passed, it became clear that I wanted to be useful to world, and that if everyone did that, life might be even more precious than it already seemed. But the question was, ТHow?У
In 1976, at the age of 23, I worked as a primary school teacher. I hoped the work was beneficial. Later, I worked in a college with the same aspiration.
But the older I got, the more I felt that this ТhelpingУ was somehow superficial. I was doing my best to steward what now seemed to be a brief and precious life, but as my world view grew, so did my sense of the vastness of the forms of suffering in the world. Finally, in 1987, I felt unsure that my helping was actually constructive at all.
That year, I left for Nepal, where I had been on a mountaineering expedition some years before. There I abandoned the idea of being helpful. I walkedРfor days and sometimes months at a timeРvisiting villages, jungles and monasteries. I walked into the clouds and down again; thinking, resting, thinking. I sat alongside the Bagmati River in Kathmandu and watched the ritual burning of corpses, led by question, ТWhat is actually important?У I found no definitive answer, but the questions were more clear: It seemed it was important to help others, but only possible to help insomuch as one was actually able to be helpfulРand that being able was far more complex than I had ever imagined. I felt curiously suspended in the inquiry: ТCan one become actually able to help?У
It wasnХt long until I met my dharma teacher and discovered someone who was genuinely helpfulРand furthermore, helpful without preference. This became an important and inspiring turning point.
Buddhism seemed to be a path whereby one could help oneХs self in a deep and authentic way, and that oneХs own ripening would be both immediately and eventually beneficial to others. Equanimity seemed plausible. The path was well documented. I met both masters and ordinary people who seemed to be living evidence of various stages of inspiring progress.
I have practiced inside this aspiration of bodhicitta for two decades as I fulfilled commitments to my family. I have decided I would rather try and ТfailУ at awakening than succeed at anything else. Patrul RinpocheХs advice, ТThe oral instructions are very profound. But not if you donХt put them into practice,У rings true. Now, through the profound generosity of countless others, the opportunity to focus in a more intensive way presents itself. I feel ready.
