Property:Letterofmotivation
From Tsadra Foundation Advanced Contemplative Scholarships
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The core motivations of a Buddhist are clearly defined in countless treatises and stories of the past. But, as a regular person in search of meaning, I have had a harder time articulating my own aspirations. In fact, my life is apparently defined by meandering trials and errors, albeit interesting ones, and somewhat productive. But in my defense, I have been quite distracted my entire adult life—by an obsessive quest for Enlightenment.
Although I grew up in East Asia, visiting dozens of Buddhist temples from Angkor Wat to Potala Palace, it wasn’t until I read the novel Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse that I discovered my life’s purpose in Dharma. Hesse’s romanticized account of the Buddha’s path inspired me to want nothing more than to live in a secluded mountain temple and meditate until I was completely liberated.
Miraculously, the realizations of 17th century terton Mingyur Dorje were passed all the way down to a rag-tag group of yogis practicing Shitro in a basement in Boulder, Colorado. From the moment I saw them, sitting in my tears surrounded by the jingle of bells and cracks of damarus, I have slowly been finding myself more at home.
At several different moments over the past few years I have truly thrown all caution to the wind in the interest of studying and practicing the Secret Mantrayana. I have definitely suffered as far as mundane aspirations go, barely scraping by financially, though I have also enriched myself through relating properly with my family, friends and professional companions. Even privileging myself in service of the Panamanian government.
Through the generosity of the Palyul lineage, I have been able to exchange my labor for rare and precious teachings, empowerments, vows, in-person guidance, and the time and space to practice. I owe absolutely everything to them, including the special connection I have made with Pema Osel Ling. In my heart I feel loyal to my root guru Penor Rinpoche, and his three Heart Sons, my personal teachers. It is not without their express blessing that I would pursue this three-year retreat in the Dudjom Tersar tradition.
In a sense my motivation is extremely simple: to practice Maha, Anu, and Ati Yoga until I attain the rainbow body. I have committed myself multiple times over the past decade to that exact end, almost since the moment I heard about it. Sometimes, however, I wonder if my motivation is purely selfish, and I often feel unworthy of support, or even the recognition that I am a “practitioner.” Although everyone knows that I am a Buddhist, my sense of renunciation is weak, and I have talked much more than I have walked the path.
In recent years, I have finally developed a serious sense of obligation towards abandoning my life to the path. After all, how can I live up to my refuge name milus rinchen, if I don’t take full advantage; and, if I don’t attain realization, how could I be of any benefit to others?
Practices within the Vajrayana tradition are, by far, the greatest inspirations in my life, and I regard them as the most valuable and transformative in nature. They have also allowed me to experience a sense of what I feel is perhaps most closely akin - to awakening in it’s true sense".
It can be said with conviction that my inspiration to complete the Three-Year Retreat has, for many years, been based on my motivation toward a greater understanding of the relationship between self, other, and the essence of mind, and wakening bodhicitta.
Practice has moved me to better understand the nature of elements present in experience that we forget are not necessarily bound by the trappings of concept, emotion, and the mental elaborations we loosely place upon them. I long to increase this focus in a meaningful way, one which is, as much as possible, free of my own confusion and attachments.
I sense the vast quality of mind and its endless expansions and contractions and see myself stumbling along with the occasional experience of overwhelm within that process. I also observe others doing the same. This has provided for my heart a longing to understand myself and all “existent” beings.
Pursuing the knowledge and practices which develop freedom from self- concern in its truest essence, is most vital. I increasingly grow to understand the aspiration to benefit others is most important, and perhaps most needed in our present time, for our own, and for our environment's survival where; fear, anxiety, and the extremes of complacency and reactivity appear to be on the increase.
I wish to enter the 3-year retreat for the above reasons and because, for some time, I have experienced a notable turning away from samsaric experiences and attachments. Within my field of inner (and external) vision I see karmas that are perpetually cycling and moving profoundly within us every day. If anything, it has become clear over time, as an individual how karma binds us within our lives and in relationships. It seems to hold us, for lack of a better expression, to delusiveness. For me, this quality has become more palpable in a way that has increased since prior times. It is very difficult now for me politely escape the sense that we are all, to some extent, sleepwalking, as we are driven by past experiences and entrenched perceptions.
It is not due to a need to escape, or to remove myself from the world entirely that I wish to enter the 3 -year retreat, but rather to seek refuge in the truest sense. I feel this moment is with hope, and that it is necessary to further explore what is needed to truly benefit beings through practice, and a more profound understanding of Dharma. These are my reasons for requesting your consideration and I thank you with warmth and sincerity, for your great efforts and the opportunity presented.
When I was young, a three-year retreat was to my mind the most far-fetched and extreme example of cutting oneself off from the world. Now, after 40 years of practicing the kagyü and shambhala dharma — having done many retreats, having engaged in many roles of supporting people’s practice, having heard, contemplated and meditated on what is the point of doing anything at all — a three-year retreat seems to be a small soft spot in the hardness of materialism that dominates the world. Even a few of us working together to let go of self-centeredness and give rise to the generosity of devotion makes a difference. I have faith in the power of retreat to help the world, on the subtle level of loosening karmic attachment and the gross level of diminishing kleshic delusion. Since I am in the final phase of my life, and since I still have health and ability to seal my commitment to awakening through practice, I will do everything in my power to get to the retreat in 2024. If Tsadra Foundation can grant me some assistance, I will ask for donations to gather the rest. I am asking for help because I do not have the necessary financial resources and must ask for help. +
I have been drawn to Buddhism since I was a child. I asked my grandmother for a statue of a buddha when I was 3 years old. I took Refuge with the Kalu Rinpoche in 1975. I tried many different religions: studied the Bible, the Torah and the Quran, but only Buddhism made sense to me. My earliest memories are of loving animals and wanting to help them and people . I LOVED this planet and wanted to save it from environmental collapse. Since I met Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche and then my Tsawé Lama a few years later, I have been enthusiastic and focused on the teachings of Shakyamuni. Those events are almost 30 years ago, now. I finished the Longchen Nyingthig Ngöndro over 10 years ago (however, I start almost every morning session with Ngöndroto since then), have been receiving ripening empowerments and pointing out instructions from Venerable Sogan Rinpoche for years and this past summer, He introduced me to the Nature of Mind. Things immediately shifted in my mind. I knew the time was correct for the 3 year retreat. I believe ALL sentient beings have buddha nature and that due to adventitious karma and basal confusion we have all forgotten our true nature. I fully believe and have faith that any of us - given the correct causes and conditions can realize ultimate enlightenment in this lifetime. I know I can't truly be of lasting benefit to all of my mother sentient beings UNTIL I realize unsurpassable enlightenment. That is my goal for entering this traditional retreat. +
During meditation retreat I feel engaged in the benefit of self and others. When I am doing retreat I think: “This is what I am meant to do.” Since I haven’t reached a point such that I can say I am in inner retreat even when I am in a “worldly” context I think I need to do more… I need to do more until worldly seems the same as beyond worldly (for lack of a better expression), so that I can practice at all times, naturally.
Why do I think “This is what I meant to do”? If I analyze it beyond simply feeling that way, then I think relatively it has to do with reducing negative emotions like negative judgment of others, and developing positive emotions such as genuine caring for others. Ultimately, it means seeing beyond dualism and becoming habituated to clear light mahamudra, or the non-dual within the dual. Inevitably I experience greater clarity and peace after retreat time. I believe such clarity and peace is, through interdependence, naturally beneficial to all.
Even if I were to remain in retreat for the rest of my life without seeing another person — that is have no person-to-person contact with anyone — I still think my life couldn’t be spent in a better way. I genuinely feel that I can’t be content or make "spiritual progress” without that naturally affecting others positively whether or not I come into direct contact with them through the five senses.
As Situ Rinpoche says “even if I make 1% progress every life that is good, that is wonderful… in 100 lives I will be enlightened!” (or something like that — apologies to Situ Rinpoche if I got it wrong). It would be excellent if I could become useful to others by teaching, but it wouldn’t be necessary for me to feel fulfilled. +
My desire to practice in retreat has been there since I became a nun in the early 90's and I want to take this desire to it's fruition. I want to retreat from the busyness of my day to day life and to realise my aspirations of becoming an individual that has stabilised their mind. I aspire to become a more compassionate individual, and to be a better person where I am able to help other people with more wisdom and clarity. I also aspire to engage in more study and practice so that I may be better prepared for my next life while I still have some time left. One of my main teachers, Drupon Rinpoche, only screens his teachings to the retreat centres on Holy Isle and Arran, and so this retreat is the only way for me to attend his teachings on a daily basis as his retreat centre in Sekhar in Nepal is full. I would like to be in an environment that fosters Dharma practice and to be surrounded by individuals that are following a similar path. I would like to learn how to become a proper nun, and develop the skills required to care for the shrine as well as develop more motivation for learning Tibetan. My health hasn't been great over the last four years and this has compromised my ability to work and save. Now that my health is better I want to make the most of it and engage in practice. Some financial assistance towards this from you would allow me to take some definitive steps towards realising my aspirations and hopes in this life and the next. +
A
During the time directly before my partners death at age 43, we had both aspired to go deeper into dharma practice and study after our child was born. We were even considering raising our first child in a buddhist retreat style community setting. I lost my child shortly after the death of my partner of 8 yrs, and that shattered my connection with reality as I knew it and exposed me deeply to the experiential concept of impermanence and suffering far more than I had been exposed to it before. I led a life before that point searching for tools to heal my body from numerous health conditions, tumors, endometriosis, lung disease and liver ailments that I had been suffering from and designed a school with my partners help to try and share meaningful advice and herbal knowledge to those underpriveleged or who weren't able to access higher levels of medicinal care in the alternative medicine sphere. Though my life was already dedicated to serving community at the time of my partners death, the mind rending screams that came out of me during the time of my partners passing, were underlying a silent calm stillness that supported me thru the process of cremating and funeral preparations for my spouse. The notion that my mind couldn't completely shatter and that there was truly a deeper buddha nature within not only myself, but all sentient beings.. was merely conceptual jargon and didn't seem very factual up until that experience. The years that followed that experience were frought with poor decisions and attachment to comfort through seeking closeness with people who did not have my best interests at heart and also I rushed into my previous patterns of unhealthy behavior: smoking tobacco, promiscuity... etc that did not only fail to fulfill me in any way, but made my waking reality like a living hell from which there was no permanent or even temporarily long lasting escape. I was plunged into deeper levels of desperation and deep longing to connect with my partner who had passed away and brought to joy whenever something of beauty came into my sphere of consciousness, be it a bird, flower or butterfly.. I started to use that longing to connect with the compassion and wisdom aspects of my own mind, slowly ad surely... it helped lead me out of depression and away from harmful behaviors and within a few years, I couldn't say that I was depressed any longer. This guiding process came from my first root guru, Lama Mike Crowley, who shared a connection with my partner somehow and felt that they knew of them from Wales. Even though my partner had never physically been to Wales, I knew that this connectedness was not accidental because I felt chills when he looked at my partners photo and seemed to fondly recognize them (pronouns: they/them). Futhermore, my late partner was a big fan of his book called "Secret Drugs of Buddhism" as me and my partner worked with some entheogens for the purpose of healing sexual trauma and depression before coming to dharma. On one fateful night we stayed up till 3am reading Amitabhas Pure Land Sutra and it was so beautiful we made reading sutras a part of our weekly spiritual practice, (over 7 yrs ago now). My first guru would give me Shamata instruction and then leave me to practice for a few months or a year and then give further instructions for visualization.. around 2023 he announced I was ready to take my Bodhisattva Vows and I did so happily. That same year I completed my first Niguma Yoga retreat with Yangsi Kalu Rinpoche and I had felt I had made a new dharma friend not knowing the scale and previous life history of the 1st Kalu Rinpoche. I immediately fell in love with Niguma Yoga and the following year in 2024 I made a point to take another 4 day retreat with Kalu Rinpoche to study Niguma Yoga. After that life changing experience I knew for sure that I had to go deeper in to my Shangpa Kagyud practices. The next events I attended were Mahakala with Kalu Rinpoche and Niguma Yoga that was held at Ser Cho Ling. That was the day at Ser Cho Ling I had the pleasure of meeting my primary Guru, Wangchen Rinpoche. He greeted me with a deeply knowing look of recognition and I knew from that time on I would be spending a lot of time at Ser Cho Ling. I then signed up for my first Nyungne in 2024 and practiced diligently with Wangchen Rinpoche and started Ngondro Simultaneously. After a year, I was encouraged that I would make a good nun by Wangchen Rinpoche and I took my vows with his Holiness Tai Situ Rinpoche in March on March 26th in 2025. That was one of the most life chaning journeys I had ever had... since then Wangchen Rinpoche suggested I get ready immediately for three year retreat.
Je voulais déjà faire cette retraite en 2012 mais mon fils que j'ai élevé seule était trop petit
Depuis je me suis investie de plus en plus dans le Dharma et auprès de Denys Rinpoché tout en poursuivant ma carrière de professeure du primaire et dans les Arts Martiaux chinois
Ses enseignements m'ont fait l'effet du puzzle de ma vie aux morceaux éparses qui se reconstituait (compréhension et expérience dans le Dharma qui éclairent toute la confusion dans laquelle je souffrais)
Cette retraite est pour moi l'opportunité d'aller plus profondément encore dans la pratique pour "passer le pont" de la confusion et ainsi être plus claire pour moi et les autres, le monde des vivants. Après je serai trop vieille et dans mes vies futures cette expérience sera continuée je l'espère, auprès de Denys Rinpoché ou Wangchen Rinpoché ou Kalou Rinpoché !
C'est aussi une chance d'être plus encore dans la suite d'une lignée de yogis et yoginis éveillés. +
It is rare to have both time and resources available to perform a long retreat. In the spring of 2018 I'll be in a unique position: I will have just graduated with a Masters in Divinity from Harvard, but will not yet have begun applying to doctoral programs. During this in-between time, I will have a chance to take time off to perform a three year retreat. The RV trailer at my family's house provides a comfortable place to do retreat while keeping the cost to an absolute minimum. I might not have another opportunity like it in this lifetime. I'm mindful of the strain my presence puts on my family's resources, and I wouldn't be able to do this retreat without some outside support coming in to help alleviate the pressure on my family.
As to my aspirations à I have taken Sakya Trizin as my primary role model. I cannot realistically expect to become him, but I want to understand some of what he understands, experience some of what he has experienced, to see some of what sees. He indicates that the way to accomplish this is by practicing the way he practiced à following in his footsteps and the footsteps of his gurus and ultimately Lord Buddha. I have realistic expectations for what I can accomplish à which might some day be serving a small group of practitioners somewhere in San Francisco or New York or wherever I end up, or taking my insights into the classroom. While I don't expect I will ever be anyone other than myself, I can serve as a role model to others through my example just like Sakya Trizin does for me.
I also feel enormously inspired by the togdens of Khampagar Monastery in Tashi Jong, India, who dedicate their entire lives to solitary retreat. I've spoken with Janet Gyatso at HDS about the school's Buddhist Ministry Initiative and what Ãbuddhist ministryà means; she says they question (open-endedly) whether or not practitioners benefit anyone else by spending their lives in retreat à and I believe they do. I think the best way to guide others to dharma is to live it by example and achieve the results of practice so that others can see what is possible and feel attracted, in turn, to what you represent to them (and through you, drawn towards your guru and all the gurus of your lineage and Buddha himself). I've been surprised in recent years at how many of my dharma friends have been inspired by me à to take major practice commitments, for example, or become vegetarian à without me trying in any way to help or guide them but just by being myself and an open and honest friend.
This retreat would give me the necessary time and space to take my practice to a deeper level, and to thus continue to lead as an example. It would also advance my understanding of many of the religious texts that I work with, connecting sacred history with personal experience, and giving me a more subtle and multidimensional lens into the religious narratives I will continue studying. I would love to be able to share my realizations and accomplishments and energies with anyone who will benefit from them, and I think the best way to prepare for that is to continue cultivating the seeds my guru has planted through his teachings and initiations in the garden of intensive solitary practice. Tsadra's support would be instrumental in making this possible.
I am writing this while in retreat, my first retreat and my introduction to Vajrayana Buddhism.
I have far exceeded my expectations of what is possible. I would like to continue making progress with my mind and continue to do my best to benefit as many beings as possible, doing the next retreat is the best way to make both happen. I sometimes wish I could go back in time and start the retreat with the mind I have now, since this is not possible I have the aspiration to do the next retreat.
The best decision I have ever made was to come do the retreat, I feel I have gotten my life back, I now have direction and purpose, two things that were missing from my life. I hope I am able to repay Rinpoche's kindness, two ways I try to do this is by practicing with the best of my ability and being kind and compassionate to all the beings around me.
The start of the retreat was extremely difficult, everything was so alien and new to me, but with perseverance, dedication and renunciation, I now feel at home and extremely happy at the prospect of doing another 3 year retreat at GP. My mind has changed so much, I do not recognise the person who came here.
I had a very comfortable life before the retreat, good job, my own apartment in a hip neighborhood, great friends but I was hollow inside, always needing external objects to make me happy, be it something to watch, something to drink, eat, somewhere to go, someone to meet, it’s endless. Living like this is not sustainable, reflecting back I think deep down I knew this and that’s why I was able to leave my regular mundane life in pursuit of Dharma. The way I am now, I can just sit by myself and enjoy my own company.
I was so fresh and new to Dharma, I feel i was not fully able to appreciate some of the earlier practices, for example I remember being quite depressed and fearful when contemplating the defects of samsara especially the hell realms, if i was to do the same practice now, the fear and depression will be replaced by compassion and inspiration/motivation to practice. During refuge and bodhicitta I could not let go of the fact that my visualisations were not super HD. Each step of the way I have let go of expectations, rigidity and tightness. I now understand the keys to fruitful practice is a relaxed and calm mind, free of expectations.
I feel I am more kind and compassionate towards others because I have tried to develop a kind and compassionate attitude towards myself. I am much more gentle with myself, for the first time in my life I have a healthy relationship with myself.
Rinpoche has been very kind in sending two masters who are linked to the monastery. In Dec 2022, Khabje Khenpo arrived, he taught me the ABC’s of dharma, that the most important thing is to be a decent person. Khabje Khenpo also helped me to connect with my Indian heritage, something I had not embraced having been born and raised in the UK. I feel more connected than ever to my Indian roots, when the time is right I would love to go on a pilgrimage to the holy sites.
The second master that arrived was Tulku Pasang, in Jan 2025, he came to teach the group Tummo. I was very fortunate I had the opportunity to film him practicing and then ask him questions about the mind, his answers have instilled a confidence that has never left.
Thank you for benefitting so many beings, thank you for taking the time to read my application.
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Please note I have asked Heidi Koppl to write my letter of recommendation because I have been away for so long and she is in the retreat boundary, however since she is a Dharma friend, if her letter is not acceptable please let me know so I can find a replacement.
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As long as I can remember, this mind has been oriented toward wanting to better understand reality and serve others. From a young age I was attuned to the suffering of myself and others, and demonstrated both a deep capacity for compassion and commitment to justice. This combination of curiosity, compassion, and courage has displayed itself in many different iterations of personal expression, commitment, and affiliations over time. I was raised Catholic and was inspired by the teachings of love and community, but struggled with exclusivity and could not find teachers interested in humoring my existential inquiries. As I continued to grapple with an insatiable urge to find answers for myself and others, I found myself at Ka-Nying Shedrub Ling as a 20 year-old student on a study abroad semester. I was burning with questions and a desire to meet people who had discovered some shred of personal freedom and universal insight. I found that these qualities were endorsed and taught in Buddhism, exhibited by the monastic teachers at RYI, and most powerfully by Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche upon meeting him and receiving Teachings.
I was struck by much during that 2013 semester in Nepal, but most by the dawning reality that there is a living tradition of embodied freedom that is rooted in compassion and wisdom inherent to all beings. It felt then and continues to feel as if the discovering of Buddhist Teachings and Teachers is like discovering a wish-fulfilling jewel. Increasingly it feels more and more like returning home; like discovering new mirrors. After 12 years of deep commitment to learning from and within this tradition, I am blessed to have the aspiration to spend a few years of this life engaged in committed practice under the guidance of Teachers that know and love me, and that I love and trust.
As someone who is naturally very skeptical, I understand for myself the importance of combining study, reflection and meditation. While I have had the aspiration to do a three-year retreat since 2018, I was instructed by Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche to first complete a Masters at RYI. I have therefore strived to understand and apply the Teachings through study until this point, and have been blessed with many opportunities for shorter retreats and group ritual. After completing the MA and spending time serving my Teacher and the center where I hope to retreat, I feel ready and eager to devote myself to practice within the support of extended retreat. I am extremely fortunate to have a close relationship with Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche, Lama Tenzin Sangpo, our monastic sangha, and the community of Gomde Pyrenees such that this particular retreat feels aligned. I have good familiarity with the practices of our lineage, and deep faith in the Teachers that uphold them. To spend the next three and half years cultivating love, compassion, and wisdom for the benefit of all beings is a rare and invaluable opportunity that I have tried my best to prepare for.
Dear Tsadra Foundation,
Retreat, to me, feels like a lifelong calling. Throughout my life, there have been many signs and pointers that seem to lead me to heed the call of going into retreat so that I can work on my mind and hopefully develop an even greater sense of love and compassion. I feel very grateful for all the various wonderful opportunities I have had in my life thus far, between travel, exceptional friendships, family, and teachers - but for me, retreat has been at the forefront of my interests. Ever since I was a little kid, having learned that a time will come where we will all have to die, the five year old me internalized that very deeply, and from that day onward I have felt a deep sense of urgency to do some meaningful spiritual practice in the short time I have here. Having encountered the dharma from my teacher Lama Yeshe Palmo when I was just nineteen, and having been taught Buddhist principles and philosophy that I felt spoke directly to that little five year old me, these insights seem to have helped my dharma mature, and planted seeds for further inquiry into the mind and my life’s purpose.
Much of my life over the past six years have been spent slowly preparing for retreat. Even recently, throughout my entire college life, my experience was flavored with a sense of anticipation for retreat and living in the monastery. It felt as though a strong sense of dharma embraced each day. Now, after nearly three years at KTD Monastery, I can attest and affirm that the longing for the dharma which I had felt all these years, was everything I could have wished for and more. I reflect with gratitude and appreciation, which I owe my vajra brothers and sisters, khenpos, and lamas, for helping me along the way, for teaching me everything from torma making to ritual procedure, learning Tibetan, and learning what it means to live in community and how to be a good spiritual friend. In all of my ups and downs, I’ve learned humility, imperfection, patience, and more - all lessons essential to meet the realities of retreat life.
To me, retreat is many things. Primarily, it is time to really work on my mind, and perhaps a chance to catch a glimpse into its true nature. Further, it is a tribute and way of showing deep gratitude and appreciation to those in my life who have helped me along the way. It is a way of building a relationship with myself and others, and an act of loving service. It is also a gesture of deep reverence for Tibet and a way to uphold the treasury of knowledge that has been so graciously passed down and spread worldwide. I see Tibetan Buddhism in the west in our ever changing world to be of crucial importance. Perhaps if I go into retreat and learn a little and meditate with a sincere heart, it would be of some benefit for others, and a way to carry on the blessings of the lineage gurus.
In doing retreat, my hope is that I can practice sincerely and with great devotion, and cultivate my focus and non-distraction. In the end, I hope to learn how to be available for the world’s needs and the needs of others in a skillful way, to cultivate good morals and values, and learn what it means to be a bodhisattva.
Thank you very much for taking me into consideration for sponsorship, and for supporting countless practitioners and the Buddhist cause as a whole throughout the years.
I remember how the first Buddhist teachings I received touched me so deeply that I had this strong feeling that this is what I had been looking for all my life. And since that time I have put all my heart and energy into study, contemplation and meditation.
I did my first solo retreat very soon after taking refuge, under the recommendation of Ayang Rinpoche, in his monastery in Kathmandu. Since then, I did quite a few solo and group retreat. It’s just something I really like and strive for, something that makes me happy (even if sometimes it can be difficult, especially when one has to face honestly his own defilements). I have this strong urge to do a three year retreat that I can’t really explain rationally. It’s just what I really want to do from the depth of my bones, the core of my heart.
I am extremely tired of creating suffering for myself and others, of circling in these never ending scenarios the mind creates. I deeply wish to clear away these destructive egoistic patterns, to get free from it.
As an high school teacher, I always have been touched by my students and always tried my best to help them, to guide them, to teach them curiosity, openess and love ; even when I didn't know anything yet about Buddhism.
As a practicionner, I aim to transform in order to benefit other beings the best I can. I want to be a good human being, with a good heart, an open mind, kindness, clarity and compassion. Someone who is open to others suffering, who puts oneself into their shoes, and does his best to help them in whichever way can be. I am confident than the more this mind is tamed, the more one is be able to help genuinely, spontaneously.
But for that to happen, it is necessary to untie the tight knot of ego, that obstructs and creates barriers between oneself and others. I feel that this process of transformation I aim for comes by the means of retreat : It is the perfect opportunity to look deeply into and to work with one’s mind in order to replace, patiently and kindly, negative habits with virtuous ones.
Lama Tenzin Sangpo told us once how important it is for us to learn well in order to pass the Dharma on to the future generations who will look to us us once we are the old ones. I feel responsible towards them. I genuinely want to learn as much and as authentically as I can so I will be able to inspire them to practice the Dharma.
Finally, this three year retreat is what my main teacher,Chökyi Nyima Rinpoche, recommended me. He told me that this is very good for me and that I will do well. I trust him and will do my best to respect his wishes by doing a good retreat.
I thank you for your kind consideration.
Spending the last three year in retreat in Gomde Pyrénées enabled me to change a lot. I went through many different phases, learned many lessons and I am immensely grateful towards the Tsadra Foundation for having supported me into that process. It was meanly a deep emotional healing, grounding, and settling down work. Somehow, these three go hand by hand. There is no true calm without seeing through our neurosis, and no better way to tame our demons that going back to the body, where the strong emotions begin and from where we can welcome our feelings with acceptance and openness. Then only can we access our true home, in a grounded body, an open heart and a calm mind.
I am glad I did this work. There was no way around, and it was very necessary. But now, I long to stay in retreat for another three years in order to go deeper, further. To transform the mind, and the heart, we need a lot of time. I feel the urge to sit for many more sessions, days, weeks, months and years. To allow the time and the blessings of my teacher to help me to open more and more often to that space that is my inherent nature ; and to get so used to it that it becomes my state, my landscape, my home. I want to attain stability and from that space, that is clear, loving and free of ego clinging ; help others to free themselves too. And it doesn’t matter if I reach results in this life or another. I have trust in karma and in the power of my intentions and aspirations.
I can also see how my practice has improved over the time and I can't wait to go again through the different practices of our retreat program, especially the Ngöndro. They will have a totally different flavor now that I matured a bit and it will be very joyful to have the opportunity to understand those better and deeper.
I know by experience that retreat is not always easy, especially the first year. We were the first group and we had to settle everything, which means we had a lot of challenges, made a lot of mistakes, learned a lot from them, and improved over the time. I hope that thanks to the little of experience I gained, I can help the newcomers to have a smoother retreat. It can be just by listening to someone going through difficulties ; being there, with a smile. I think it can help a lot just to have a few people around who already did a long retreat. Group retreat are a formidable opportunity to develop Bodhicitta, right here, right now rather than keeping it as mere words on a cushion towards distant fellows.
It is my sincere wish to dedicate my life to the Dharma and I hope that the Tsadra Foundation will support me to do so for another three year retreat.
B
I don't know whether or not this will amount to 500 words, but here goes. Ever since I met the previous Kyabje Kalu Rinpoche in Europe in the early 1980's and particularly since having received the Rinchen Terdzo empowerments from him in Sonada in 1983, it was my strong wish to enter into a 3-year-retreat according to the Shangpa tradition.
Kalu Rinpoche advised me then to be patient as I would be doing it under Tenga Rinpoche's guidance. Well, I've been patient, and in 2009 Tenga Rinpoche finally gave the Shangpa transmissions here in our monastery in Svayambhunath. About half a year later the construction of our Nigu Drubkhang in Pharping began. It is not quite finished yet, but we hope to be able to enter retreat in Nov. or Dec. of this year (2011).
Having been a student of Kyabje Tenga Rinpoche ever since, who is well known as the senior vajra master of the Karma Kagyu school, the importance of practice has always been impressed on me strongly. Despite having done about seven or eight years of solitary retreats, doing various practices, the wish of doing the full Shangpa curriculum has never left me. I've been practicing LashiDrilDrub, GyudeLhanga and Chagdrugpa for years (last winter I did another 3 month Chagdrugpa retreat based on the TrinleTerdzo Drubthab accumulating another million mantras), but now the time has finally come to learn it all.
I have no particular wish to become a teacher myself, but if I ever were so unfortunate, I would rather speak from experience than from theoretical knowledge. My many years as Tenga Rinpoche's interpreter have shown me very clearly that the only hope for benefitting beings at all, lies in gaining at least some insight and experience through personal practice. So, that's mostly it. Hope not to have bored you too much...
Thomas [Sherab Drime] +
I was born in 1971 in communist Albania to Greek parents. Due to my family having a history of not being supporters of the communist regime, in 1986, military trucks came to our house and transported our entire family, at gunpoint, to a small village at the foot of a mountain, far from our home, and told us that we had been sentenced to stay in exile for five years. In 1989, this sentence was reduced and we were allowed to return home. One month after our return, at the age of 18, I escaped from Albania to Greece. Escaping from Albania was not an easy task. the Greek-Albanian boarder was closed off by fences with sensors, and many traps. Many people who tried and got caught were tied behind military trucks and dragged on roads through villages as an example of what happens to the enemies of communism.
The US Embassy in Greece gave me political asylum, and I went to new York. The people who I met in New York, and was able to communicate with, I only spoke Greek and Albanian at the time, were in illegal business. I saw no other choice but to do what they did. In 1996, at the age of 25, I was arrested, and in 2000 was sentenced to 42 1/2 years to life in prison. I knew then that I would spend the rest of my life in prison. I decided that I would give myself entirely to the Buddhist study and practice. For many years I studied and meditated for seven to eight hours a day. In 2008, I did over 150,000 prostrations in my cell over a period of several months. I facilitated Buddhist classes, and led meditation retreats.
My main aspiration during my twenty years in prison was to be able to participate in a three year retreat under the guidance of a qualified teacher. I remember calling upon all the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas asking them to bless me that my karma may shift so that I may get out of prison to do such a retreat. Knowing how tricky the mind can be, I also asked that if they could foresee that if I get out I would not continue the practice, that they may create obstacles so that I may never get out but continue to practice in prison.
After many years, my karma shifted. A very serious violation by the District Attorney that had occurred during my trial was discovered. After several meetings between my attorney, the district attorney, and the judge, it was agreed that my sentence be reduced, and I be released from prison.
I believe, therefore, that I have no other reason for being out here other than participating in this three year retreat, and continuing thereafter practicing the dharma in order to realize my true potential to benefit living beings.
I greatly appreciate your time in reviewing and considering my application
I gave up my ten years of professional career with the intention of dedicating the rest of my life to the Dharma and as little of anything else as possible. Over the last eleven years of pursuing Dharma study, contemplation, and practice—I have always had a strong and deep intention of doing a long retreat, and have been gearing my mind for this in the past ten years.
A three-year retreat is the perfect opportunity to expand and deepen my understanding of the Dharma so as to truly combine the intellectual and experiential understanding of my mind. And among the great lamas I have had the fortune to meet, I feel that meeting Garchen Rinpoche is the single greatest fortune in my life and it would simply be amazing to do a retreat in his vicinity.
I pray that I would be able to improve my service to the propagation of Dharma through this retreat. Thank you very much for kind consideration! +
All my life, from a very young age, I have questioned the reason why we are here, our existence in this world, in this life. And collecting all my experiences in this life, they have led me to different answers and to question many other things. Little by little I was collecting information until I had almost completed the puzzle and I saw that the basis of everything is the most tender and pure love. I love unlearning and learning new knowledge and concepts, and applying them through practice.
One of the reasons why I want to do the retreat is because of the practice of silence and introspection, which together make a great symphony. And I am clear that I am in a perfect and beautiful place to carry out this practice. Lana Tsultrim, welcomed us from the beginning with all the love and we thank him very much, he is a great master.
You should consider my request because both my partner (Melizza) and I arrived here with the heart, jumping into the void and having great faith that everything would go well and that it is even better than we could ever imagine. We are very grateful for all this path that we have dared to undertake without fear, openly and that they have told us about your scholarship, it is incredible, because we did not know anything either, we feel very lucky, regardless of what your final decision about our case is . Thanks a lot. +
C
Meeting my beloved Guru, His Eminence Chogye Trichen Rinpoche was the greatest fortune in my life. Rinpoche, the beginning, middle and end of my path, was the true embodiment of all the qualities and activities of the Buddha, which I hope to draw nearer one day, and to continue on with my aspiration to benefit beings, I wish to do this retreat.
I met Rinpoche at a point in my life where I had been disillusioned by my chosen professional path in Development Aid, which, at its core, had potential, but fell short in its application due to power structures, career plans, numbers, corruption, and mere Тfig leafУ excuses. I had realized that I was powerlessly heading into the wrong direction. And suddenly there was a way to alleviate suffering completely, and even more so Рto uproot its source by purifying the deluded mind from all its obscurations and defilements with its final purpose to unfold boundless qualities and thus able to be of real help to all sentient beings. I had arrived ТhomeУ!
I formally set out on this path with the most precious Vajrayogini practice, and thanks to my GurusХ guidance, blessings, and its profound contemplative technique, I dived over the years a little deeper into the spheres of my mind. Increasingly, I became aware of the source of my suffering and Рeven worse Рthat by which I make others suffer, mostly in hidden ways: my stubborn ego, holding adamantly onto existence and unceasingly defending boundaries, battling and finally either defeating others, or surrendering. At the same time, I became equally sad and desperate seeing others being ТcaughtУ in their egos while due to my own boundaries, and limited through my own projections, not being able to help in a skillful way. Thus, I absolutely need to break down the walls of my ego, so that one day pure loving kindness, compassion, and wisdom arise spontaneously with no more restrictions, or self-concern, but exclusively for the benefit of all. I believe that it is only possible to get anywhere near such high ideals, and break through, or dissolve this endless cycle of ego-strife through long-term retreat.
The last time I saw Rinpoche, his final advice for me was that I have good karma, and that I am a practitioner, thus should do retreat. Hence, my motivation for this retreat is not only trying to break the walls of my ego and continue with the mind work in a much more strict and focused way, and it is not only heeding the advice of His Holiness the Sakya Trizin to enter a long retreat to be of better benefit for the sentient beings. It is equally importantly a sacred practice commitment between my beloved Root Guru and me, to honestly and diligently develop my Yidam practice, and thus fulfill the heart pledge I have given to all sentient beings, that one day I may become of genuine service to the world and all the suffering living beings in it.
Having seen the suffering of the circle of existence, and not having found any other solution for true happiness and freedom, I became inclined towards the Dharma. Now that I have this precious body, the freedom to practise and the precious guidance of qualified Teachers, I must strive for freedom both for myself and for all sentient beings.
I had the wonderful opportunity to receive teachings and to have practised under the close guidance of Pema Wangyal Rinpoche, Jigme Khyentse Rinpoche and Rangdrol Rinpoche who have nurtured me as if their only child, tirelessly guiding me with teachings and instructions, ceaselessly.
I have their encouragement, along with the blessings of HH Sakya Trizin and HH Dalai Lama, to continue trying to progress in the Buddha's path, and to do so in three-year retreat situation.
I am surrounded by many favourable circumstances in this blessed place of Dordogne, which is embellished by a fervent and supporting community that devotes their life to the practice, teachings and translation.
It is my deep aspiration to be able to continue practising in retreat as I believe it presents the best conditions for one to study and practise the Buddhadharma for the sake of all sentient beings.
I have saved and worked to earn as much as I could to continue in retreat, but do not have enough to cover fully the expenses.
I need financial support to be able to continue in an uninterrupted way this flow of practice and blessings, being able to serve my Teachers' wishes for the wellfare of the teachings and the beings, wholly, with my body, my speech and my mind. +
