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 |otherlanguage2=English
 |otherlanguage2Prof=Native command
 |introbuddhism=I first began reading books on Buddhism and learning to meditate around 6 years ago. I started with texts like the Dhammapada and some Theravadan sutras, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Robert Thurman's Essential Tibetan Buddhism and a bit later a couple of books by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche. A little over 5 years ago I went to a couple of meditation classes at a New Kadampa centre and then attended a meditation course at a local yoga centre. These classes were helpful both in further developing the  routine of a daily meditation practice and in meeting other spiritual seekers. In 2022, I had the good luck to attend a few months of a shamatha class at the Toronto Karma Kagyu centre, taught by a couple of senior western students. This class had a big effect on me, as although I had been drawn to the the Buddhadharma for some time, there was something uniquely powerful about way meditation was taught there; it just felt different. Along with methods for shamatha, we were taught compassion practices like tonglen, which really blew me away and seemed to open things up in a new way. A little over 3 years ago I began to frequent the Palyul Pema Mani Centre here in Toronto. Our resident teacher is Tulku Dawa Rinpoche and, in my time, we have also been very lucky to have had visits from from highly regarded teachers like Khenchen Tsewang Gyatso, Khenpo Kunzang Dechen and Terton Namkha Drimed Rabjam Rinpoche. Tulku Dawa regularly gives both formal teachings and personal guidance, grants empowerments, leads us in regular group practice (tsog, guru yoga, green tara etc) and leads yearly retreats for phowa and nyugne. For the past three summers, I've attended 1 month long retreats at the Palyul retreat centre in upstate NY under the tutelage of Gyang Khang Tulku Rinpoche (empowerments, heart teachings and vows), Khenchen Tsewang Gyatso (heart teachings and vows), Luphug Tulku (ngondro) and Khenpo Tenzin Norgay (tsa lung and khorde rushen) with the indispensable guidance of beloved class lamas, Lama Pasang (ngondro), Lopbon Rabjee (tsa lung) and Lama Tsultrim (khorde rushen.) All of these wonderful teachers were trained at Namdrolling monastery under the guidance of renowned Dzogchen master Kyabje Pema Norbu Rinpoche.
 |refugehistory=In July of 2023 I took refuge with Gyang Khang Tulku Rinpoche.
 |formalvows=Yes
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 |letterofmotivation=I have seen for myself that even a small amount of exposure to the dharma with limited understanding can bring great benefit and meaning to life and this gives me confidence that through the Mahayana path one can genuinely be of benefit to others as well. I believe that the opportunity to take part in this retreat would be a great help in going in this direction.
-While even one month in retreat first sounded daunting, doing these summer retreats and practicing at home have gradually instilled in me an aspiration to take part in the traditional three-year retreat. It seems that something happens during a retreat where you're just able to turn your mind more effectively to the dharma than in your normal day to day life and its honestly been increasingly frustrating (as deeply grateful as I am for these Palyul retreats) to have to leave after the month is up. From the limited practice that I have done, I've sometimes felt as if I was becoming a little more aware of the negative habits of mind being the driving force behind one's projections and suffering and that this pattern will simply go on endlessly if left unchecked. After a sense of once again being confronted with my own shit during a week-long retreat for Green Tara in rural Ontario this past September, I felt that now was the time to research the possibility of a three-year retreat more earnestly, while I still could. Wanting to continue in the Nyingma tradition and having heard that Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was doing one in France, I got in touch with the coordinator there. Listening to some of Rinpoche's teachings online, I felt deeply inspired by his clear explanations and evident compassion and greatly longed to learn from this master. Also, some time back I had been amazed by his father Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche's memoir, Blazing Splendor, which talks a lot about the Chokling Tersar history and this increased my interest to do this specific retreat. Bearing in mind the four thoughts, refuge/bodhicitta and the great force of habitual tendency, I believe practicing dharma in long-term retreat to be the ideal way to work with the samsaric state of delusion in which I find myself. This retreat in particular would be an amazing opportunity to go deeper into the tradition I feel most connected to, having at this point developed at least some small faith and connection to Guru Rinpoche through the blessings of my Palyul masters.
+While even one month in retreat first sounded daunting, doing these summer retreats and practicing at home have gradually instilled in me an aspiration to take part in the traditional three-year retreat. It seems that something happens during a retreat where you're just able to turn your mind more effectively to the dharma than in your normal day to day life and its honestly been increasingly frustrating (as deeply grateful as I am for these Palyul retreats) to have to leave after the month is up. From the limited practice that I've done, I've sometimes felt as if I was becoming a little more aware of the negative habits of mind that are the driving force behind one's projections and suffering and that this pattern will simply go on endlessly if left unchecked. Dharma practice seems to bring all this stuff up and after a sense of once again being confronted with my own shit during a week-long retreat for Green Tara in rural Ontario this past September, I felt that now was the time to research the possibility of a three-year retreat more earnestly, while I still could. Wanting to continue in the Nyingma tradition and having heard that Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was doing one in France, I got in touch with the coordinator there. Listening to some of Rinpoche's teachings online, I felt deeply inspired by his clear explanations and evident compassion and greatly longed to learn from this master. Also, some time back I had been amazed by his father Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche's memoir, Blazing Splendor, which talks a lot about the Chokling Tersar history and this increased my interest to do this specific retreat. Bearing in mind the four thoughts, refuge/bodhicitta and the great force of habitual tendency, I believe practicing dharma in long-term retreat to be the ideal way to work with the samsaric state of delusion in which I find myself. This retreat in particular would be an amazing opportunity to go deeper into the tradition I feel most connected to, having at this point developed at least some small faith and connection to Guru Rinpoche through the blessings of my Palyul masters.
-I spent a week over the new years holiday at Gomde Pyrenees while Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was visiting to open up the then just finishing first 3 year retreat. Aside from the spiritual impact of meeting Rinpoche and receiving his blessing to take part, it was also really helpful to speak with some of participants from the first group and this definitely made me feel more confident going forward that it really is a worthwhile opportunity, in spite of whatever hardships you might encounter. Drupbon Lama Tenzin gave a talk on the 3 year retreat and said that if by the end of retreat we're not realized, there's no need to feel bad; we will know how to practice dharma and be on the path and that's enough. I've kept this in my heart since.
+I spent a week over the new years holiday at Gomde Pyrenees while Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was visiting to open up the then just finishing first 3 year retreat. Aside from the spiritual impact of meeting Rinpoche and receiving his blessing to take part, it was also really helpful to speak with some of participants from the first group and this definitely made me feel more confident going forward that it is a really worthwhile opportunity, in spite of whatever hardships you might encounter. Drupbon Lama Tenzin gave a talk on the 3 year retreat and said that if by the end of retreat we're not realized, there's no need to feel bad; we will know how to practice dharma and be on the path and that's enough. I've kept this in my heart since.
 The difficulties of trying to balance spiritual practice (especially as a beginner) with everyday life's endless demands, complications and confusion are many, and given the drastic state of the world right now, it seems really important to do what you can to try to work with your own ridiculous thoughts and develop at least some basic sanity and compassion. For post retreat life, my aspiration is that whatever change I've gone through during these few years will help me to more effectively ripple out positive energy and benefit to the world, even if only in whatever very small ways that I am capable of. I hope to return to playing and writing music, (which has been the main focus in my life) to find some work and continue to focus as much as possible on dharma practice and study.