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 |letterofmotivation=I have seen for myself that even a small amount of exposure to the dharma with limited understanding can bring great benefit and meaning to life and this gives me confidence that through the Mahayana path one can genuinely be of benefit to others as well. I believe that the opportunity to take part in this retreat would be a great help in going in this direction.
-While even one month in retreat first sounded daunting, doing these summer retreats and practicing at home have gradually instilled in me an aspiration to take part in the traditional three-year retreat. With all the free time and positive circumstances gathered, it's just easier to turn your mind to the dharma than in normal day to day life, full as it is with distractions. I am deeply grateful to my teachers for opportunity that these retreats have provided, they have truly been life changing and I cannot imagine where I'd be right now without them. At the same time I've felt increasingly frustrated by the routine of regular life, with a leftover sense of yearning for more immersive dharma training that long term retreat entails.
+While even one month in retreat first sounded daunting, doing these summer retreats and practicing at home have gradually instilled in me an aspiration to take part in the traditional three-year retreat. With all the free time and positive circumstances gathered, it's just easier to turn your mind to the dharma than in normal day to day life, full as it is with distraction. I am deeply grateful to my teachers for opportunity that these retreats have provided, they have truly been life changing and I cannot imagine where I'd be right now without them. At the same time I've felt increasingly frustrated by the routine of regular life, with a leftover sense of yearning for the more immersive spiritual training that long term retreat entails.
 In my limited experience, I've sometimes felt as if I was becoming a little more aware of the negative habits of mind that are the driving force behind one's projections and suffering and that this pattern will simply go on endlessly if left unchecked. Dharma practice seems to bring all these negativities up, and after a sense of once again being confronted with my own delusion during a week-long retreat for Green Tara practice in rural Ontario this past September, I felt that now was the time to research the possibility of a three-year retreat more earnestly. Wanting to continue in the Nyingma tradition and having heard that Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was doing one in France, I got in touch with the coordinator there. Listening to some of Rinpoche's teachings online, I felt deeply inspired by his clear explanations and evident compassion and greatly longed to learn from this master. Also, some time back I had been amazed by his father Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche's memoir, Blazing Splendor, which talks a lot about the Chokling Tersar history and this increased my interest to do this specific retreat. Bearing in mind the four thoughts, refuge/bodhicitta and the great force of habitual tendency, I believe practicing dharma in long-term retreat to be the ideal way to work with the samsaric state of delusion in which I find myself. This retreat in particular would be an amazing opportunity to go deeper into the tradition I feel most connected to, having at this point developed at least some small faith and connection to Guru Rinpoche through the blessings of my Palyul masters.
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 I spent a week over the new years holiday at Gomde Pyrenees while Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was visiting to open up the then just finishing first 3 year retreat. Aside from the spiritual impact of meeting Rinpoche and receiving his blessing to take part, it was also really helpful to speak with some of participants from the first group and this definitely made me feel more confident going forward that it is a really worthwhile opportunity, in spite of whatever hardships you might encounter. Drupbon Lama Tenzin gave a talk on the 3 year retreat and said that if by the end of retreat we're not realized, there's no need to feel bad; we will know how to practice dharma and be on the path and that's enough. I've kept this in my heart since.
-Especially as a beginner, the difficulties of trying to balance spiritual practice with everyday life's endless demands, complications and confusion are many, and given the drastic state of the world right now, it seems really important to do what you can to try to work with your own ridiculous thoughts and develop at least some basic sanity and compassion. For post retreat life, my aspiration is that whatever change I've gone through during these few years will help me to more effectively ripple out positive energy and benefit to the world, if only in whichever very small ways I may be capable of. I hope to return to playing and writing music (which has been the main focus in my life), to find some work and continue to focus as much as possible on dharma practice and study.
+Especially as a beginner, the difficulties of trying to balance dharma practice with everyday life's endless demands, complications and confusion are many, and given the drastic state of the world right now, it seems really important to do what you can to try to work with your own ridiculous thoughts and develop at least some basic sanity and compassion. For post retreat life, my aspiration is that whatever change I've gone through during these few years will help me to more effectively ripple out loving energy and benefit to the world, if only in whichever very small ways I may be capable of, and that I will be somewhat better prepared for death, whenever it may come. I hope to return to playing and writing music (which has been the main focus in my life), to find some work and continue to focus as much as possible on dharma practice and study.
   In conclusion, I may not be the most experienced or well studied of aspiring practitioners, but still, I think I'd make good use of this precious opportunity and I'd be deeply grateful for the support of Tsadra in helping me to do so.Thank you for your time. (Sorry I know this is a little long!)
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