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 While even one month in retreat first sounded daunting, doing these summer retreats and practicing at home have gradually instilled in me an aspiration to take part in the traditional three-year retreat. With all the free time and positive circumstances gathered, it's just easier to turn your mind to the dharma than in normal day-to-day life, full as it is with distraction. I am deeply grateful to my teachers for the opportunity that these Palyul retreats have provided; they have truly been life changing and I cannot imagine where I'd be now without them. At the same time, I've been increasingly frustrated by the routine of regular life, with a leftover sense of yearning for the more immersive spiritual training that a three-year retreat offers.
-In my limited experience, I've sometimes felt as if I was becoming a little more aware of the deluded habitual tendencies that are the driving force behind one's projections and suffering and that this pattern will simply go on endlessly if left unchecked. Sometimes dharma practice seems to bring all your negativities out of hiding, and after a sense of once again being confronted with my own samsaric delusions during a week-long Green Tara retreat in rural Ontario this past September, I felt that now was the time to research the possibility of a three-year retreat more earnestly. Wanting to continue in the Nyingma tradition and having heard that Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was conducting a retreat in France, I got in touch with the coordinator there. Listening to some of Rinpoche's teachings online, I felt deeply inspired by his clear explanations and evident compassion and greatly longed to learn from this master. Also, some time back I had been amazed by his father Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche's memoir, Blazing Splendor, which talks a lot about the Chokling Tersar lineage and this increased my interest to do this specific retreat. Bearing in mind the four thoughts, refuge/bodhicitta and the great force of habitual tendency, I believe practicing dharma in long-term retreat to be the ideal way to work with the state of samsaric delusion in which I find myself. This retreat in particular would be an amazing opportunity to go deeper into the tradition I feel most connected to, having at this point developed at least some small faith and connection to Guru Rinpoche through the blessings of my Palyul masters.
+In my limited experience, I've sometimes felt as if I was becoming a little more aware of the deluded habitual tendencies that are the driving force behind one's projections and suffering and that this pattern will simply go on endlessly if left unchecked. Sometimes dharma practice seems to these things out of hiding, and after a sense of once again being confronted with my own samsaric delusions during a week-long Green Tara retreat in rural Ontario this past September, I felt that now was the time to research the possibility of a three-year retreat more earnestly. Wanting to continue in the Nyingma tradition and having heard that Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was conducting a retreat in France, I got in touch with the coordinator there. Listening to some of Rinpoche's teachings online, I felt deeply inspired by his clear explanations and evident compassion and greatly longed to learn from this master. Also, some time back I had been amazed by his father Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche's memoir, Blazing Splendor, which talks a lot about the Chokling Tersar lineage and this increased my interest to do this specific retreat. Bearing in mind the four thoughts, refuge/bodhicitta and the great force of habitual tendency, I believe practicing dharma in long-term retreat to be the ideal way to work with the state of samsaric delusion in which I find myself. This retreat in particular would be an amazing opportunity to go deeper into the tradition I feel most connected to, having at this point developed at least some small faith and connection to Guru Rinpoche through the blessings of my Palyul masters.
 Over the New Year's holiday, I spent a week at Gomde Pyrenees while Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was visiting to open up the then just finishing first three-year retreat. Aside from the spiritual impact of meeting Rinpoche and receiving his blessing to take part, it was really helpful to speak with some participants from the first group and this definitely made me feel more confident going forward that it is a really worthwhile opportunity, in spite of whatever difficulties one might encounter. Drupbon Lama Tenzin gave a talk on the three-year retreat and said (roughly) that if by the end we're not realized, there's no need to feel bad; we will know how to practice dharma and be on the path and that's enough. I've kept this in my heart since.