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 While even one month in retreat initially sounded daunting, attending the Palyul summer retreats and practicing at home have gradually instilled in me an aspiration to take part in the traditional three-year retreat. With all the free time and positive circumstances gathered, it's just easier to turn your mind to the dharma than in normal day-to-day life, full as it is with distraction. I am deeply grateful to my teachers for the opportunity that these Palyul retreats have provided; they have truly been life changing and I can't imagine where I'd be without them. At the same time, I've felt increasingly frustrated by the routine grind of life, with a leftover sense of yearning for the more immersive spiritual training that a three-year retreat offers. Tulku Dawa and I discussed it a few times over the past couple of years and he was always supportive of my aspirations.
-In my limited experience, I've sometimes felt a clearer sense of the deluded habitual tendencies that are the driving force behind one's projections and suffering, and with that has come a deep conviction that this pattern will simply go on endlessly if left unchecked. After a sense of once again being confronted with my own samsaric delusions during a week-long Green Tara retreat in rural Ontario this past September, I felt that now was the time to research the possibility of a three-year retreat more earnestly. Wanting to continue in the Nyingma tradition and having heard that Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was conducting a retreat in France, I got in touch with the coordinator there. Listening to some of Rinpoche's teachings online, I felt deeply inspired by his clear explanations and evident compassion, and I greatly longed to learn from this master. Also, some time back I had been amazed by his father Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche's memoir, Blazing Splendor, which talks a lot about the Chokling Tersar lineage and this increased my interest to do this specific retreat. Bearing in mind the four thoughts, refuge/bodhicitta and the great force of habitual tendency, I believe practicing dharma in long-term retreat to be the ideal way to work with the samsaric state in which I find myself. This retreat in particular would be an amazing opportunity to go deeper into the tradition I feel most connected to, having at this point developed at least a little faith and connection to Guru Rinpoche through the blessings of my Palyul masters.
+In my limited experience, I've sometimes felt a clearer sense of the deluded habitual tendencies that are the driving force behind one's projections and suffering, and along with that has come a deep conviction that this pattern will simply go on endlessly if left unchecked. After a sense of once again being confronted with my own samsaric delusions during a week-long Green Tara retreat in rural Ontario this past September, I felt that now was the time to research the possibility of a three-year retreat more earnestly. Wanting to continue in the Nyingma tradition and having heard that Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was conducting a retreat in France, I got in touch with the coordinator there. Listening to some of Rinpoche's teachings online, I felt deeply inspired by his clear explanations and evident compassion, and I greatly longed to learn from this master. Also, some time back I had been amazed by his father Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche's memoir, Blazing Splendor, which talks a lot about the Chokling Tersar lineage and this increased my interest to do this specific retreat. Bearing in mind the four thoughts, refuge/bodhicitta and the great force of habitual tendency, I believe practicing dharma in long-term retreat to be the ideal way to work with the samsaric state in which I find myself. This retreat in particular would be an amazing opportunity to go deeper into the tradition I feel most connected to, having at this point developed at least a little faith and connection to Guru Rinpoche through the blessings of my Palyul masters.
 Over the New Year's holiday, I spent a week at Gomde Pyrenees while Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche was visiting to open up the then just finishing first three-year retreat. Along with the spiritual impact of meeting Rinpoche and receiving his blessing to take part, it was really helpful to speak with some participants from the first group. The whole experience made me feel much more confident going forward that it is really worthwhile (and actually doable), regardless of whatever challenges one might face. Drupbon Lama Tenzin gave a talk on the history and nitty gritty of three-year retreat and said (roughly) that if by the end we're not realized, there's no need to feel bad; we will know how to practice dharma and be on the path and that's enough. I've kept this in my heart since and consider it the greatest possible privilege to be included within this sacred mandala.