Property:Letterofmotivation
From Tsadra Foundation Advanced Contemplative Scholarships
This is a property of type Text.
2
The core motivations of a Buddhist are clearly defined in countless treatises and stories of the past. But, as a regular person in search of meaning, I have had a harder time articulating my own aspirations. In fact, my life is apparently defined by meandering trials and errors, albeit interesting ones, and somewhat productive. But in my defense, I have been quite distracted my entire adult life—by an obsessive quest for Enlightenment.
Although I grew up in East Asia, visiting dozens of Buddhist temples from Angkor Wat to Potala Palace, it wasn’t until I read the novel Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse that I discovered my life’s purpose in Dharma. Hesse’s romanticized account of the Buddha’s path inspired me to want nothing more than to live in a secluded mountain temple and meditate until I was completely liberated.
Miraculously, the realizations of 17th century terton Mingyur Dorje were passed all the way down to a rag-tag group of yogis practicing Shitro in a basement in Boulder, Colorado. From the moment I saw them, sitting in my tears surrounded by the jingle of bells and cracks of damarus, I have slowly been finding myself more at home.
At several different moments over the past few years I have truly thrown all caution to the wind in the interest of studying and practicing the Secret Mantrayana. I have definitely suffered as far as mundane aspirations go, barely scraping by financially, though I have also enriched myself through relating properly with my family, friends and professional companions. Even privileging myself in service of the Panamanian government.
Through the generosity of the Palyul lineage, I have been able to exchange my labor for rare and precious teachings, empowerments, vows, in-person guidance, and the time and space to practice. I owe absolutely everything to them, including the special connection I have made with Pema Osel Ling. In my heart I feel loyal to my root guru Penor Rinpoche, and his three Heart Sons, my personal teachers. It is not without their express blessing that I would pursue this three-year retreat in the Dudjom Tersar tradition.
In a sense my motivation is extremely simple: to practice Maha, Anu, and Ati Yoga until I attain the rainbow body. I have committed myself multiple times over the past decade to that exact end, almost since the moment I heard about it. Sometimes, however, I wonder if my motivation is purely selfish, and I often feel unworthy of support, or even the recognition that I am a “practitioner.” Although everyone knows that I am a Buddhist, my sense of renunciation is weak, and I have talked much more than I have walked the path.
In recent years, I have finally developed a serious sense of obligation towards abandoning my life to the path. After all, how can I live up to my refuge name milus rinchen, if I don’t take full advantage; and, if I don’t attain realization, how could I be of any benefit to others?
Practices within the Vajrayana tradition are, by far, the greatest inspirations in my life, and I regard them as the most valuable and transformative in nature. They have also allowed me to experience a sense of what I feel is perhaps most closely akin - to awakening in it’s true sense".
It can be said with conviction that my inspiration to complete the Three-Year Retreat has, for many years, been based on my motivation toward a greater understanding of the relationship between self, other, and the essence of mind, and wakening bodhicitta.
Practice has moved me to better understand the nature of elements present in experience that we forget are not necessarily bound by the trappings of concept, emotion, and the mental elaborations we loosely place upon them. I long to increase this focus in a meaningful way, one which is, as much as possible, free of my own confusion and attachments.
I sense the vast quality of mind and its endless expansions and contractions and see myself stumbling along with the occasional experience of overwhelm within that process. I also observe others doing the same. This has provided for my heart a longing to understand myself and all “existent” beings.
Pursuing the knowledge and practices which develop freedom from self- concern in its truest essence, is most vital. I increasingly grow to understand the aspiration to benefit others is most important, and perhaps most needed in our present time, for our own, and for our environment's survival where; fear, anxiety, and the extremes of complacency and reactivity appear to be on the increase.
I wish to enter the 3-year retreat for the above reasons and because, for some time, I have experienced a notable turning away from samsaric experiences and attachments. Within my field of inner (and external) vision I see karmas that are perpetually cycling and moving profoundly within us every day. If anything, it has become clear over time, as an individual how karma binds us within our lives and in relationships. It seems to hold us, for lack of a better expression, to delusiveness. For me, this quality has become more palpable in a way that has increased since prior times. It is very difficult now for me politely escape the sense that we are all, to some extent, sleepwalking, as we are driven by past experiences and entrenched perceptions.
It is not due to a need to escape, or to remove myself from the world entirely that I wish to enter the 3 -year retreat, but rather to seek refuge in the truest sense. I feel this moment is with hope, and that it is necessary to further explore what is needed to truly benefit beings through practice, and a more profound understanding of Dharma. These are my reasons for requesting your consideration and I thank you with warmth and sincerity, for your great efforts and the opportunity presented.
When I was young, a three-year retreat was to my mind the most far-fetched and extreme example of cutting oneself off from the world. Now, after 40 years of practicing the kagyü and shambhala dharma — having done many retreats, having engaged in many roles of supporting people’s practice, having heard, contemplated and meditated on what is the point of doing anything at all — a three-year retreat seems to be a small soft spot in the hardness of materialism that dominates the world. Even a few of us working together to let go of self-centeredness and give rise to the generosity of devotion makes a difference. I have faith in the power of retreat to help the world, on the subtle level of loosening karmic attachment and the gross level of diminishing kleshic delusion. Since I am in the final phase of my life, and since I still have health and ability to seal my commitment to awakening through practice, I will do everything in my power to get to the retreat in 2024. If Tsadra Foundation can grant me some assistance, I will ask for donations to gather the rest. I am asking for help because I do not have the necessary financial resources and must ask for help. +
I have been drawn to Buddhism since I was a child. I asked my grandmother for a statue of a buddha when I was 3 years old. I took Refuge with the Kalu Rinpoche in 1975. I tried many different religions: studied the Bible, the Torah and the Quran, but only Buddhism made sense to me. My earliest memories are of loving animals and wanting to help them and people . I LOVED this planet and wanted to save it from environmental collapse. Since I met Chagdud Tulku Rinpoche and then my Tsawé Lama a few years later, I have been enthusiastic and focused on the teachings of Shakyamuni. Those events are almost 30 years ago, now. I finished the Longchen Nyingthig Ngöndro over 10 years ago (however, I start almost every morning session with Ngöndroto since then), have been receiving ripening empowerments and pointing out instructions from Venerable Sogan Rinpoche for years and this past summer, He introduced me to the Nature of Mind. Things immediately shifted in my mind. I knew the time was correct for the 3 year retreat. I believe ALL sentient beings have buddha nature and that due to adventitious karma and basal confusion we have all forgotten our true nature. I fully believe and have faith that any of us - given the correct causes and conditions can realize ultimate enlightenment in this lifetime. I know I can't truly be of lasting benefit to all of my mother sentient beings UNTIL I realize unsurpassable enlightenment. That is my goal for entering this traditional retreat. +
During meditation retreat I feel engaged in the benefit of self and others. When I am doing retreat I think: “This is what I am meant to do.” Since I haven’t reached a point such that I can say I am in inner retreat even when I am in a “worldly” context I think I need to do more… I need to do more until worldly seems the same as beyond worldly (for lack of a better expression), so that I can practice at all times, naturally.
Why do I think “This is what I meant to do”? If I analyze it beyond simply feeling that way, then I think relatively it has to do with reducing negative emotions like negative judgment of others, and developing positive emotions such as genuine caring for others. Ultimately, it means seeing beyond dualism and becoming habituated to clear light mahamudra, or the non-dual within the dual. Inevitably I experience greater clarity and peace after retreat time. I believe such clarity and peace is, through interdependence, naturally beneficial to all.
Even if I were to remain in retreat for the rest of my life without seeing another person — that is have no person-to-person contact with anyone — I still think my life couldn’t be spent in a better way. I genuinely feel that I can’t be content or make "spiritual progress” without that naturally affecting others positively whether or not I come into direct contact with them through the five senses.
As Situ Rinpoche says “even if I make 1% progress every life that is good, that is wonderful… in 100 lives I will be enlightened!” (or something like that — apologies to Situ Rinpoche if I got it wrong). It would be excellent if I could become useful to others by teaching, but it wouldn’t be necessary for me to feel fulfilled. +
My desire to practice in retreat has been there since I became a nun in the early 90's and I want to take this desire to it's fruition. I want to retreat from the busyness of my day to day life and to realise my aspirations of becoming an individual that has stabilised their mind. I aspire to become a more compassionate individual, and to be a better person where I am able to help other people with more wisdom and clarity. I also aspire to engage in more study and practice so that I may be better prepared for my next life while I still have some time left. One of my main teachers, Drupon Rinpoche, only screens his teachings to the retreat centres on Holy Isle and Arran, and so this retreat is the only way for me to attend his teachings on a daily basis as his retreat centre in Sekhar in Nepal is full. I would like to be in an environment that fosters Dharma practice and to be surrounded by individuals that are following a similar path. I would like to learn how to become a proper nun, and develop the skills required to care for the shrine as well as develop more motivation for learning Tibetan. My health hasn't been great over the last four years and this has compromised my ability to work and save. Now that my health is better I want to make the most of it and engage in practice. Some financial assistance towards this from you would allow me to take some definitive steps towards realising my aspirations and hopes in this life and the next. +
I have wasted first 28 years of my life chasing happiness, love and trying to figure it all out. I failed but 25 years ago I found dharma and a qualified teacher. I am not better than any other applicant on your list. I just never gave up and kept studying dharma and practicing. Finding dharma was the best thing that ever happened to me but a true blessings came in a form of my greatest teachers, Ven. Tenga Rinpoche and Ven. Wangchen Rinpoche, true Bodhisattvas walking on this Earth. In 2022 I left my previous life, marriage, house and career and moved to Ser Cho Ling, a beautiful retreat center in central California to start a new chapter of my life. I dedicated myself to service and practice. I serve my teacher, sangha and practice and study every day. I don't have any source of income at this time.
Wangchen Rinpoche recommended that I will enter into a three year retreat under his guidance. I am finally ready to do that. I am mature enough to be aware of the commitment I take and what it means. I believe that the guidance of my teacher with my dedication, diligence and genuine daily practice of bodhicitta will bring positive results. Most of all, I dedicate all of these positive results for the benefit of all mother sentient beings. I can not do this without financial support and therefore, I kindly ask you to consider my humble request. May all beings benefit. +
My motivation for participating in this retreat is, as is the case with all practice, to gain the highest realization I can manage for the benefit of all beings, as far as space pervades. More tangibly, I am also thrilled to be able to offer my interpretation services to Lama Tenzin and my fellow retreatants, so that we may all achieve this goal together during this precious time. I have done what I can to orient my life and lifestyle to serving and practicing the Dharma and my gurus in this way, and I can think of no better opportunity to fulfill this lifelong ambition.
When the current group of retreatants sealed their boundary in 2022, I asked Kyabje Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche if I may also do retreat someday. His response seemed to indicate this might be a prospect for future lives: “Someday, not now.” He said at first. As such, I imagined I was doing little more than keeping the tendrel alive by asking his permission in November of 2024, and was surprised and overjoyed to hear him say that he would be “extremely happy if [I] could do retreat, since practice is the best offering we can possibly make to the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas… and also me.”
This news came a scant 24 hours after Drubpon Lama Tenzin Sangpo gently implored I participate. Over dinner one night in the upper house at Gomde Pyrenees, I casually asked him how he would structure the forthcoming retreat, mistakenly believing that it would be based on the cycle of Tara’s Triple Excellence.
“No, same as now,” he responded, “also Kunzang Tuktik.”
My interest piqued, as I feel a close connection to this cycle in particular, and have been accumulating its ngondro practices for just over 2 years now. Perhaps Lama Tenzin detected this, because his entire demeanor also shifted.
“One year ngondro,” he said his wide eyes expanding to occupy what seemed like nearly half his face. “One year sadhana, and one year Dzogchen practices. I heard you were coming for three-year retreat soon, is that true?”
I was nonplussed, as I hadn’t previously imagined that such a perfect practice and service opportunity could present itself so abruptly. Lama Tenzin then continued to explain the importance of not putting practice off until later, and emphasized that given the age of my parents and my Guru, this particular span of three years was uncannily timed to make the best use of both my time and theirs, before we all get too old to act as we currently do.
I believe that Lama Tenzin is right, as he always is, and although the prospect is intimidating, I would be a miserable fool not to avail myself of what my kind teachers have done for me here. I am determined to follow through with this with every fiber of my being, and I would very gladly appreciate your help in overcoming the financial difficulties posed by having no more than a year to plan and save for this purpose.
This long-term retreat represents a real culmination in my spiritual journey. It's been almost 30 years since I started on the Dharma path. After living in a Dharma center for over 15 years, completing the three-year retreat and other solitary retreats, I felt about 8 years ago the calling in my heart to let go of the things of this life and devote completely to the Dharma. In terms of spiritual practice, I had received during my retreat and later on all the trekchö and tögal instructions, and since then I have always felt drawn to these practices. I was fortunate in 2018 to meet a true guide of those, Robert Olds, who completed the 4 visions of the Tögal during a 10 years retreat in the wilderness. I was able to receive from him the full and precise Tögal instructions and get his confirmation that I was ready to begin. In 2020-2021, I got ill for over a year, which led me to go on a solitary retreat for 6 months. At the end of this retreat, I was truly aware that life is impermanent and the moment of death uncertain. I said to myself, if you don't do what's important to you now, when will you? Mid-2021, when I started to feel better, I actively began to prepare my life for this long term retreat : nourishing the intention in my heart, searching for a place to set up my hermitage, finding a way to at least partially meet my material needs for the retreat, prepare my relatives to the separation, close my professional activity, say goodbye to friends etc... The whole process accelerated in 2024 , as if the winds of life were encouraging me in this direction : the land was found and bought (by my brother) in a perfect area, my guide moved there in April, as well as some other Dharma friends, that could support me with my practice and the daily life during the retreat.
This retreat does involve a total commitment in my life : leaving my country, my family, my friends, my situation, to remain and practice in the solitude of the forest in a small and simple hermitage I'm building with my own hands. I know that Tsadra only grants scholarships for a maximum of 3 years, but I am feeding the intention to stay in retreat at least for seven years or more, depending on the development of the practice.
I do hope this present letter will be able to convey at least a little bit of the sincerity of my engagement. I would also like to express my deep gratitude to the Tsadra Foundation for helping the Dharma of the Tibetan tradition to grow and flourish in these dark times, not only through translations but also through dedicated practionners who try to walk in the footsteps of our great ancestors.
To the Tsadra Foundation,
I am writing you to express my sincere aspiration to join the traditional Three-Year Retreat at Karme Ling which was established by the late Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche under the request of 16th Karmapa, Rangjung Rigpe Dorje, where my Lama, Lama Karma Tartchin has done his Three-Year Retreat, and to kindly request financial support from Tsadra Foundation to help make this aspiration possible.
I first found meaning in the Dharma when I was about 13 years old and was lucky enough to meet Lama Karma Tartchin personally. During that time of deep questioning and sadness I was struggling to understand the inequality of life, why some work so hard and suffer while others, like me at the time, live comfortably without much effort. Lama Tartchin said me, “Instead of being upset about that, why don’t you do something truly meaningful with your life to help others?”. That one sentence opened my heart and a deep connection and trust in Lama Tartchin arose as well as some interest in the Buddha Dharma. Now I’m 27 years old, and it’s been over a decade since I took refuge with Lama Karma Tartchin. Since then, I’ve done my best to help his Dharma Center (Karme Thegsum Tcholing), study and practice the Buddha Dharma. I have helped for many years as a cook during the retreats, maintainer of the retreat place, manager in the Dharma Center, performing as Chopon for the Pujas, as well as joined many group retreats and have done a few solitary retreats as well, as mentioned in the application. All of this has been part of my sincere commitment to integrate my life in the Dharma.
At this point in my life, I truly feel that entering the Three-Year Retreat is the most meaningful thing I can do. I know it will benefit me, both in the short and long term, and will also benefit my family, friends and even people and sentient beings that I don’t know. Besides that, I also hope that when I conclude the retreat, I’ll have gained a good and strong Dharma practice and knowledge so I will be able to contribute to the establishment of the Karma Kagyu Lineage through supporting Lama Tartchin’s activities in Brazil, directly to Portuguese speakers. In addition, I genuinely aspire to deepen my practice in the Three Years Retreat also because I know in my heart that it would make my precious Lama Tartchin pleased. As for the past 20 years he has worked lonely and tirelessly as the only Brazilian Karma Kagyu Lama to sustain Karmapa’s activities in Brazil, I am certain that seeing his efforts flourish in the form of students who practice the Dharma diligently, gain genuine wisdom, and become able to carry on his work and effort is a true source of joy for him
It feels important to share that I’ve already quit my job and from October 2024 to June 2025 I led two Buddhist Pilgrimages to India and Nepal with Lama Tartchin and stayed in both countries to receive teachings and do retreats in sacred places. So, at the moment I don’t have any major obligations with work or family.
I deeply appreciate your time and consideration. If accepted and supported, I will dedicate myself wholeheartedly to the Retreat, with the aspiration that this experience may serve not only my own path but also benefit others through future service to the Dharma.
With gratitude and respect,
Maria Pema Karmo
July 2025, Moscow, Russia
LETTER OF MOTIVATION
Dear Tsadra Foundation Committee,
First of all, I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to apply for this Advanced Contemplative Scholarship grant. Thank you so much for supporting people around the world in their wish to practice and study the Dharma!
Since very young, I have been inspired by life stories of saints. These people were out of ordinary, helping countless beings, showing them the spiritual way, and often practicing for a long time in seclusion. When I joined the Buddhist path and heard about the great Masters practicing in long retreats, I thought that one day I would like to do such a retreat.
In my view, a traditional three-year retreat provides us with a very necessary place and structure to formally apply, for an extended duration, the teachings we have received. It is a very precious context where we can concentrate fully on what is the most important, the practice. It is also a great opportunity to become very familiar with one's mind and to fully work on it since there are not many other distractions. It is also a way to develop the six paramitas on many levels. It is a precious chance to further strengthen our devotion, our practice capacity and commitment. If this opportunity is used precisely as it is taught, it is definitely a way to benefit many beings in this and future lives. This is exactly what I am aspiring to do.
For many years I did not have the conditions to do such a retreat, however now, it is close to becoming possible. I have a strong wish to do a three-year retreat, I have the support from my dear teacher Tsoknyi Rinpoche, I also have perfect retreat guides (Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche and Lama Tenzin Sangpo) and a perfect place (Gomde Pyrenees), I have no dependents, and I am organising my finances to partly pay for the retreat.
Regarding my practice, I have done the full Ngondro that Tsoknyi Rinpoche and Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche advised me to do. I have also followed the meditation guidelines that they gave me. Mingyur Rinpoche has connected me to Tibetan Buddhism, and in his teaching style everything is so easy, so I have also completed Tergar’s curriculum up to the highest level (Path of Liberation 5). Since I also have a strong connection with Yantra Yoga, I have been learning and practicing it for the past 5 years too. I maintain a yearly connection with three of my teachers: Tsoknyi Rinpoche, Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche and Mingyur Rinpoche. I have done many group retreats as well as personal retreats, and have been to many teachings and drubchens with my Lamas. Having a full time work, I was not able to go beyond a 1-month retreat in time, however, at the end of each retreat I have always been nostalgic and wished I could continue practicing in retreat. As a person, I am slightly introverted, so spending time on my own is not a problem. However, I also love and appreciate people, and aim to maintain harmony between my friends and Vajra siblings.
That being said, my finances fall short of paying the retreat costs in full. I live and work in Russia, and my salary does not really allow me to make savings. However, I am preparing to sell a small property that I inherited from my mother. This sale should allow to cover a half of the retreat costs. Therefore, I would like to request the financial help from Tsadra Foundation to co-fund my retreat (half of the total retreat cost).
I would be hugely grateful for your help, and promise to keep all the benefactors involved in my sincere gratitude and prayers.
Thank you so much for considering this application.
Warm wishes,
Elena Sautkina (Karma Dokun Dakmo)
Dear Tsadra Foundation,
Retreat, to me, feels like a lifelong calling. Throughout my life, there have been many signs and pointers that seem to lead me to heed the call of going into retreat so that I can work on my mind and hopefully develop an even greater sense of love and compassion. I feel very grateful for all the various wonderful opportunities I have had in my life thus far, between travel, exceptional friendships, family, and teachers - but for me, retreat has been at the forefront of my interests. Ever since I was a little kid, having learned that a time will come where we will all have to die, the five year old me internalized that very deeply, and from that day onward I have felt a deep sense of urgency to do some meaningful spiritual practice in the short time I have here. Having encountered the dharma from my teacher Lama Yeshe Palmo when I was just nineteen, and having been taught Buddhist principles and philosophy that I felt spoke directly to that little five year old me, these insights seem to have helped my dharma mature, and planted seeds for further inquiry into the mind and my life’s purpose.
Much of my life over the past six years have been spent slowly preparing for retreat. Even recently, throughout my entire college life, my experience was flavored with a sense of anticipation for retreat and living in the monastery. It felt as though a strong sense of dharma embraced each day. Now, after nearly three years at KTD Monastery, I can attest and affirm that the longing for the dharma which I had felt all these years, was everything I could have wished for and more. I reflect with gratitude and appreciation, which I owe my vajra brothers and sisters, khenpos, and lamas, for helping me along the way, for teaching me everything from torma making to ritual procedure, learning Tibetan, and learning what it means to live in community and how to be a good spiritual friend. In all of my ups and downs, I’ve learned humility, imperfection, patience, and more - all lessons essential to meet the realities of retreat life.
To me, retreat is many things. Primarily, it is time to really work on my mind, and perhaps a chance to catch a glimpse into its true nature. Further, it is a tribute and way of showing deep gratitude and appreciation to those in my life who have helped me along the way. It is a way of building a relationship with myself and others, and an act of loving service. It is also a gesture of deep reverence for Tibet and a way to uphold the treasury of knowledge that has been so graciously passed down and spread worldwide. I see Tibetan Buddhism in the west in our ever changing world to be of crucial importance. Perhaps if I go into retreat and learn a little and meditate with a sincere heart, it would be of some benefit for others, and a way to carry on the blessings of the lineage gurus.
In doing retreat, my hope is that I can practice sincerely and with great devotion, and cultivate my focus and non-distraction. In the end, I hope to learn how to be available for the world’s needs and the needs of others in a skillful way, to cultivate good morals and values, and learn what it means to be a bodhisattva.
Thank you very much for taking me into consideration for sponsorship, and for supporting countless practitioners and the Buddhist cause as a whole throughout the years.
At the age of 28, I began my first traditional Buddhist retreat at a Kagyu lineage center in France, fulfilling my deep aspiration to dedicate myself fully to spiritual practice. Since then, I have remained committed to my Dharma path, and although doubts sometimes arise about my progress, I have never wavered in my belief that the Buddha’s teachings will lead me to the freedom I seek—for myself and for others.
Having received numerous teachings and transmissions from authentic masters, I feel a strong responsibility to continue this path. Once I complete my current accumulations and translation work, I plan to enter a three-year Yidam retreat in January 2026, dedicating myself fully to this transformative journey.
This scholarship would enable me to dedicate myself fully to my practice, deepen my spiritual development, and contribute more meaningfully to the Dharma. +
Since 2021, I've been guided by Chökyi Nyima Rinpoche and Lama Tenzin in the Tara's Triple Excellence Program, based on a terma from Chokling lineage. Their clarity, wisdom and loving way of teaching have left a deep impression on me. In 2024, I finally met Rinpoche in person at Gomde Pyrénées and regarded him as my root guru. Following his instructions, I attended the 3-month Sphere of Refined Gold retreat at Gomde Pyrénées this year, and was truly amazed by Lama Tenzin as retreat master. For me, trying to fulfill Rinpoche's aspiration that his students undertake the 3-year retreat is not a tough commitment, but a willing and joyful offering. I don't have many opportunities to meet Rinpoche, since I live in Brazil, and it is my deepest wish to be exposed to my guru's presence, instructions, and corrections—without them, I could easily come to the end of this life with mere aspirations and many regrets. Rinpoche will teach the retreatants approximately twice a year, and Lama Tenzin will guide us throughout the 43 months. So, it is a unique opportunity to deepen my practice and generate the twofold benefit with their support. When Rinpoche says that nothing would bring more benefit for oneself and others, I fully trust him and feel confident in following his wish.
The main purpose of doing this is to let go of the delusion of and attachment to a self, and naturally open up to wisdom and compassion—that's the aspiration that I will carry throughout the retreat and beyond. I plan to apply the experience of the retreat to my daily situations by becoming more carefree and selfless. As a physician who has been working and studying mainly in the field of mental health, I aspire especially to be more aware of others' needs and feelings, as well as more skilfull and wiser as I provide counselling and care to my patients, family, and friends. I believe that, if that aspiration is fulfilled at least to some extent, I may be able to benefit even those with whom I don't have a close relationship, by simply establishing a silent connection with them to the blessings of the lineage.
In terms of upholding the lineage, I'd like to accomplish anything Rinpoche wishes me to, anything that would support the survival of these teachings and practices for future generations. Regarding the curriculum, I'm committed to doing 3 months of Vajrasattva practice and accumulation, 1-2 months of Vajrakilaya, 14 months of Kunzang Tuktig ngöndro, 2 months of Trinley Nyingpo, 8 months of Kunzang Tuktig sadhana, 1 month of Sangwa Yeshe, 1 month of Korwa Dongtruk, and 1 year of Dzogchen practice, including the special preliminaries.
To make this possible, I've organized my finances and simplified my life. I'm not comfortable fundraising from my close sangha, as many are experiencing their own financial constraints, but I have applied for Khyentse Foundation scholarship. Given their non-Buddhist background and reservations about a long retreat, I haven't sought financial contributions from my relatives, but I've been preparing them emotionally.
For these reasons, I am requesting your support to partially cover the retreat fees. Thank you for your consideration.
I have been very fortunate to meet authentic teachers and create a karmic link with an authentic lineage, I do not want to take this gift lightly. I have been very fortunate to be able to serve over the past 10 years as the director of operations for two dharma centers, taking service as the path to be close to the teachings, teachers and practice is most important to me.
At this time I feel the most important thing i can do is to completely take the time and attention to dedicate to study, contemplation and mediation. To be able to completely dedicate my time and attention to practice is so rare and so hard to find.
Last year I had a near death experience that gave me the felt sense and not just a contemplation practice, that soon we will all pass. The only thing I feel I will take with me at that moment, is my state of mind and I will be pushed and pulled by my karma.
I find myself now reading and re-reading some of the great teaching from the past masters and everyday as i read my Ngondro text, I realize the precious causes and conditions that have come together to bring me into an authentic lineage and connection with an authentic guru. I do not want to take this opportunity for granted or waste this opportunity now. I know that death may come swiftly and unexpected, without warning.
It has been suggested by Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche to pursue the three year retreat, to dedicate my time to practice. I know it will not be easy to abandon the eight worldly concerns and dedicate all my energy and attention to practice. but when I think of anything and all the things one could possibly do in one's life, taking the time to completely dedicate oneself and rely completely on the three jewels and practice the authentic dharma, i cannot think of anything more beneficial at this point. If i truly wish to be of good service to others I have to first tame the mind, train the mind and recognize the nature of mind, to truly give myself completely to the benefit of others.
I credit the Dharma with saving my life. For many years I was headed down a path characterized by addiction and numerous personal difficulties. Though I discovered the Dharma at a younger age than many Westerners, my karma was such that while I believed deeply in the teachings of the Buddha and the Kagyu lineage, I still had a lot to work through in order to arrive at a place where I was able to truly aspire towards real practice. All through those years things happened which drove me further into study and practice. I began Ngondro in late 2016 after receiving the transmission from my teacher Lama Losang, who had gently encouraged me to consider working towards 3 year retreat. I think that he saw something in my enthusiasm for the Dharma, but I did not necessarily consider 3 year retreat a possibility at that time because I think it felt logistically impossible due to my own financial hardships.
Family difficulties, the COVID pandemic, employment instability, among other things. All through this time it was a firm commitment to the Dharma which brought me up out of the mire of these hardships. After the pandemic has subsided some and students were again able to practice in person at Gainesville Karma Thegsum Choling, I reconnected with my teacher Lama Losang in early 2023, where he confirmed with me that I had completed my first Ngondro. To my surprise, he asked me to continue the Ngondro practices which I have done in some form since.
Shortly after reconnecting with Lama Losang, on Saga Dawa of that same year, one of his main teachers Khenchen Thrangu Rinpoche passed away. It was during a small weekly reading group while dedicating the merit of that evening that I saw my teacher become emotional over the loss of Thrangu Rinpoche and the earlier loss of his main teacher Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche. He shed tears saying, "We are truly losing so many of our great teachers." It was at that moment that I felt I had been struck by lightning. A sense came over me that it was necessary for me to continue the work of my teachers and that in order to do so I would need to make the commitment to undertake the 3 year retreat. I spoke to Lama Losang about this, asking him if he thought it was a right motivation for me to want to undertake the retreat in the hopes of sharing the Dharma with others. "Yes," he said, "that is the best motivaiton." He seemed overjoyed at the prospect and encouraged me to apply. Some time afterwards, with the encouragement and blessing of my partner, I applied, and Lama Tsultrim Gyaltsen encouraged me to study Tibetan and work towards completion of another round of the Ngondro practices, advice I have followed since then.
My aspiration is to complete the retreat and share with others the Dharma, which has been so life preserving. Since applying, my teacher has encouraged me heartily to work towards this aspiration.
Spending the last three year in retreat in Gomde Pyrénées enabled me to change a lot. I went through many different phases, learned many lessons and I am immensely grateful towards the Tsadra Foundation for having supported me into that process. It was meanly a deep emotional healing, grounding, and settling down work. Somehow, these three go hand by hand. There is no true calm without seeing through our neurosis, and no better way to tame our demons that going back to the body, where the strong emotions begin and from where we can welcome our feelings with acceptance and openness. Then only can we access our true home, in a grounded body, an open heart and a calm mind.
I am glad I did this work. There was no way around, and it was very necessary. But now, I long to stay in retreat for another three years in order to go deeper, further. To transform the mind, and the heart, we need a lot of time. I feel the urge to sit for many more sessions, days, weeks, months and years. To allow the time and the blessings of my teacher to help me to open more and more often to that space that is my inherent nature ; and to get so used to it that it becomes my state, my landscape, my home. I want to attain stability and from that space, that is clear, loving and free of ego clinging ; help others to free themselves too. And it doesn’t matter if I reach results in this life or another. I have trust in karma and in the power of my intentions and aspirations.
I can also see how my practice has improved over the time and I can't wait to go again through the different practices of our retreat program, especially the Ngöndro. They will have a totally different flavor now that I matured a bit and it will be very joyful to have the opportunity to understand those better and deeper.
I know by experience that retreat is not always easy, especially the first year. We were the first group and we had to settle everything, which means we had a lot of challenges, made a lot of mistakes, learned a lot from them, and improved over the time. I hope that thanks to the little of experience I gained, I can help the newcomers to have a smoother retreat. It can be just by listening to someone going through difficulties ; being there, with a smile. I think it can help a lot just to have a few people around who already did a long retreat. Group retreat are a formidable opportunity to develop Bodhicitta, right here, right now rather than keeping it as mere words on a cushion towards distant fellows.
It is my sincere wish to dedicate my life to the Dharma and I hope that the Tsadra Foundation will support me to do so for another three year retreat.
As long as I can remember, this mind has been oriented toward wanting to better understand reality and serve others. From a young age I was attuned to the suffering of myself and others, and demonstrated both a deep capacity for compassion and commitment to justice. This combination of curiosity, compassion, and courage has displayed itself in many different iterations of personal expression, commitment, and affiliations over time. I was raised Catholic and was inspired by the teachings of love and community, but struggled with exclusivity and could not find teachers interested in humoring my existential inquiries. As I continued to grapple with an insatiable urge to find answers for myself and others, I found myself at Ka-Nying Shedrub Ling as a 20 year-old student on a study abroad semester. I was burning with questions and a desire to meet people who had discovered some shred of personal freedom and universal insight. I found that these qualities were endorsed and taught in Buddhism, exhibited by the monastic teachers at RYI, and most powerfully by Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche upon meeting him and receiving Teachings.
I was struck by much during that 2013 semester in Nepal, but most by the dawning reality that there is a living tradition of embodied freedom that is rooted in compassion and wisdom inherent to all beings. It felt then and continues to feel as if the discovering of Buddhist Teachings and Teachers is like discovering a wish-fulfilling jewel. Increasingly it feels more and more like returning home; like discovering new mirrors. After 12 years of deep commitment to learning from and within this tradition, I am blessed to have the aspiration to spend a few years of this life engaged in committed practice under the guidance of Teachers that know and love me, and that I love and trust.
As someone who is naturally very skeptical, I understand for myself the importance of combining study, reflection and meditation. While I have had the aspiration to do a three-year retreat since 2018, I was instructed by Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche to first complete a Masters at RYI. I have therefore strived to understand and apply the Teachings through study until this point, and have been blessed with many opportunities for shorter retreats and group ritual. After completing the MA and spending time serving my Teacher and the center where I hope to retreat, I feel ready and eager to devote myself to practice within the support of extended retreat. I am extremely fortunate to have a close relationship with Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche, Lama Tenzin Sangpo, our monastic sangha, and the community of Gomde Pyrenees such that this particular retreat feels aligned. I have good familiarity with the practices of our lineage, and deep faith in the Teachers that uphold them. To spend the next three and half years cultivating love, compassion, and wisdom for the benefit of all beings is a rare and invaluable opportunity that I have tried my best to prepare for.
Since I encountered the teachings of Buddhism and the living tradition of Tibetan Buddhist masters I did whatever I could to meet teachers, study and practice, following the gradual path as presented by my teachers, mainly Sogyal Rinpoche and Chökyi Nyima Rinpoche and to engage in the Dharma community.
Meanwhile I also continued to train and work as a Psychotherapist in the hope to benefit people, which sometimes left me slightly dissillusioned. For even though I could often help patients to find ways of coping with life's struggles in a somewhat less distorted fashion, it also became very clear that, more fundamentally, there is no "fix" for the problems of samsara, what many people are actually hoping for. Our only true help is the sacred Dharma in order to become free from the trappings of karma and kleshas that keep us spinning around, based on mistaken believes and strong dualistic fixation.
Both, my work and spiritual study& practice, led me in the end to feel the neccessity and wish to do a longer retreat under qualified guidance in order to reverse ingrained samsaric habits and actually become a good role model and inspiration for others.
Now, towards the final phase of this 3-year retreat I can see the benefits and beauty of such an environment. With less business and distraction the strong fixation and grip of mental habits become clearer. Lurking conceits become more obvious and can be seen together with their illusoriness. Habitual reactions can gradually soften. For this process to deepen and qualities like openness and unbiased compassion to unfold further, I feel it would be very beneficial to continue in retreat. My aspiration is that I can be of greater benefit to people, whether in my work or in a Dharma community, and eventually to infinite beings in infinite realms...
Another factor urging me on is an underlying health condition, leading to - fortunately very slowly progressing - nerve degeneration (so far mainly optic nerve). As long as I'm in relatively good physical and mental health I rather make the best of my time and try to progress in Dharma practice.
If you consider to support me I thank you greatly,
Robert Heinz
Ever since I first heard about the three-year retreat—almost 25 years ago—I have been preparing myself, with the aspiration to one day take part in it. Daily life offers so many distractions—or rather, I let myself be so easily distracted—and I deeply long for the opportunity to go beyond that and truly deepen my practice.
The Ngöndro that is part of this three-year retreat aligns with my daily practice, and I’m very much looking forward to engaging with it fully and progressing further. My aspiration is to purify my mind and to emerge from the retreat with a clear mind and a warm, stable heart. +
